Great work with this one... The ending two lines were genious... To me this was flaweless so I can't really give you any constructive critisism ... For Now..

haha good work man

**Look at this kid as he walks all alone
tears on his bed in his broken home
his princess kicked him out, left the throne
now he has nothing to even call his own**

wow thats amazing. love that line, its so powerful.

what happened why are thers sirens?

**I called her on the phone she picked it up slow
I told her, "baby i just never wanted you to go"
"I love you way more then you could even know"
"Hurts to even know that I was going to propose". **

you dont need all the "" just before baby and affter purpose...theres too many kinda makes it confusing. but great job very touching.

melissa

Hey!
i wrote some new poems over the time ive been in hawaii,
nice one,
whos it about..

GO COMMENT MINE

Wow!! that was really heart wrenching! Full of emotion also. 5/5.. Keep writing!!!

A truly beautiful poem. The first stanza is amazing. The best poem I've read all day. You are truly a poet. 5/5

Allia
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Check out my poems!!! Thanks a bundle!!