Comments : Moments to Memories

  • 17 years ago

    by AlaSkA

    Im not a fan of long poems, they seem to drag on in my eyes. but this is not bad or redundant.
    some of the vocabulary used is a little elementery.. but it serves its purpose. the repitition of the stanzas(kind of like a chorus) leaves you with that image vividly through out the poem , whitch gives it staying power. (: overall i think this is a good write.

    tom/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Teria

    I wish I would have known it was't true at the beginning. Wow! You did a wonderful job, it surely seemed true. My heart felt like it broke when he died, I didn't expect it.. I expected more like a break up or something. Which, I love when it's something unexpected. :D One thing though:
    "The snow was falling chilly"
    ^ That kind of messed up the flow a bit, I think it was because the word 'was' is before the word 'falling' and it makes sense like that, but when you're reading through it doesn't the first time. :/ Maybe it's just me, but yeah. Other than that one minor thing this poem was quite amazing. I absolutely loved it. :D Especially the lines that were repeated.

  • 17 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    * I read all of the poem word by word and then i decided to re read it cause it was so intresting.at the beggining it totaly catched my attention as it related to my own life story with someone, it took me to my past days of life same as yours when i was a kid, the memories with a person when she got married, she stop talking to me as it was part of her culture, so i felt so bad.. the moment i read the accedint part of it, the poem took me out from my own flashback and said to myself "see, worth could happened to us too" that was the time i went back and re read it.
    wonderful job the poem was great, with great style, the best thing about this great poem was the repetation of

    Moments turned to memories
    In everything we'd do
    Oh what I'd give for one more day
    Just one more day with you

    it gave a color to the poem. i think this poem is one of the great poems here on P&Q...
    keep up the great job and a 5/5 from me as you really deserve it.

  • 17 years ago

    by Greg Beam

    Wow this is probably the best poem ive read on here. great rhythm and awesome word usage. it flowed so perfectly. very easy and wonderful to read. keep up the great writing!

  • 17 years ago

    by Chrissie

    OMG!!! This is one of the best poems i have ever read! I loved how you wrote:

    'Moments turned to memories
    In everything we'd do
    Oh what I'd give for one more day
    Just one more day with you'

    It was just amazing. I absolutely loved it! Well done. 5/5 Xx Chrissie

  • 17 years ago

    by Chrissie

    ^ **** lol.

  • 17 years ago

    by awww

    Well... thank you for letting me know that it wasnt a true story... haha... cause i was getting sad by the end of your poem...

    damn... that was good... usually poems should stick to one feeling or so... because if theres too much the reader would tend to be confused... but that wasnt one of those poems... it had various emotions yet it flowed so smoothly... from the start of happiness and intimacy to the more negative feelings... anger, regret and just plain shock...

    it was really good... i cant describe anymore.. haha :p 5/5! i just plain love it

    ~angel~

  • 17 years ago

    by e LIZ a beth

    Oh my god, i seriously teared up!! oh my god, this poem was amazing!!! but i kinda dont like how it went from every other repeating to not at all. but whatever . this was amazing rebecca. like oh my god, this is like one of the only poems that made me want to cry. and liek its not a bad thing either... like wow.... LSDKFJLSDJF

    i love you. this poem is definitally your best!!!!

  • 17 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    Wow, I really enjoyed this. At first my reaction was, "They've broken up... another break up poem." But I was completely wrong. I mean, I'm not saying that death is not a subject which is written about countlessly, because we all know it is, but it's something I find myself never getting tired of.

    "The road was long and winding
    Lit only slightly by the moon
    And though the night was young
    Morning came too soon
    But sunlight couldn't break us
    We were lost in midnight's time
    In conversations freeing us
    To leave it all behind"

    This stanza was simply amazing. "And though the night was young, morning came too soon." - I LOVED that line.

    This isn't really a critique, so sorry about that. But I honestly just cannot critique something that twitched my heart like this did.

  • 17 years ago

    by Startle Me

    Okay.
    Want me to be mean?
    Alright.
    This poem is too much like a story.
    If you want to write a story
    Write an essay.
    Poems are supposed to be about feelings.
    Emotions, thinks unexplainable.
    But if you write a story about them
    Then they wouldn't really be poems anymore.
    Sorry.
    This also seemed too unrealistic.
    I know it happens
    But I doubt it happened to you.
    Although, it does show some
    Creativity.
    It's nice to know you thought about
    What to write.
    Just to keep your perfect 5/5.
    I'll give you that as well.

  • 17 years ago

    by Doesnt matter

    Wow girl i love you and i love this poem :D

  • 17 years ago

    by Vanessa

    That was very moving. the repeation made the flow flawless, the word choice just beautiful. the emtions are strong, and clear. Really a deeply sad poem, but it is so amazing.
    It is the absoule best poem that i have read in awhile, I am adding it and you to my favorites. Keep writting like that and the world will be your oyster.

  • 17 years ago

    by Curry

    Even though it wasnt true and you said not to be sad..it still made me real sad:[ but it was wonderfully written. it sounded kind of like song lyrics and i loved it. 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I read this poem before earlier on and i had to go out quickly so i didn't get a chance to comment or vote on it. I really liked this alot. The repetition was flawless and the emotion was strong. I liked how it was a story turned into a poem it was quite capturing and enjoyable to read. Well done on this nicely written love poem with a twist. ~mel

  • 17 years ago

    by Darien

    "Here to catch each other fall"
    [This line didn't make any sense to me, I know what you were trying to say, but it didn't read right]

    "The snow was falling chilly"
    [Trying.. 'The chilly snow was falling'] ? Up to you..

    "We 'lied' for hours in the snow"
    [It should be laid]

    Becca, this was an incredible poem. I know it seemed more like a story but it was beautiful! The first few verses set the story up, showing how well these two got along in their loving ways, the scenarios were different. You created them well with beautiful imagery, from snow to sandy beaches. Then all of a sudden, a huge twist in the story. From a very sweet, loving, romantic poem, it switches into something sad and depressing. I sort of wondered why you repeated that verse so many times, and it makes so much sense now. It fit the poem so well. I loved it! This was an amazing poem, I think you did a great job on this one.

  • 17 years ago

    by Choose xX Alex Xx Life

    Damn, lol real bad but i love the way you can make a perosn cry lol.Thats good news because you obviously let people identify with the people involved good job :d

    xxx alex xxx

  • 17 years ago

    by Kaila

    Wow!!
    Even though it's not a true story..
    It left me feeling really sad!!
    I really liked it!
    You did a fantastic job
    The second stanza was my favorite
    nice work once again
    5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Lost & Delirious

    Wow, I loved this poem. It was amazing. I wasn't really in the mood for reading love poems, but yours was light and at the same time I could really feel what you were describing.

    Thanks for sharing this beautiful poem.

    XoXo
    Gaby

  • 17 years ago

    by Tammie

    This is a truely amazing poem! Sometimes I don't like such long poems because of how boring they can get, but you kept me interested the whole way. The repetition of the one stanza worked extremely well with this poem. The rhyming was perfect and the vocab excellent, as was the flow. Everything about this is flawless. Wonderful, yet sad poem Becca. 5/5 because it deserves no less.

    Tammie

  • 17 years ago

    by Narphangu

    ...simply put... you are awesome, and this poem is like you... awesomeness to the extreme exponential reaches of a galaxy called awesome.

    ....yep.

    um, there are a few spelling mistakes that could be fixed if you felt incredibly bored one day.... but besides that... nice one!
    ps: this would make such a beautiful song.