This is a really sad poem.
It nearly made me cry.

First off, I think
'You life has been such shit'

Should be
'Your life has been so shit'

Other than that it was wonderful.
You always have a way with your words.
Keep it up 5/5

[Sarah]

Definitely 5/5. This poem is so heartfelt and the expression is great and it strays away from the usual common sad poems i see and write often. I've experienced this so i know this was written with as much care, understanding and feeling as possible for an outsiders point of view. It was both great and touching. I placed it on my favs =)

Not really much that I can criticize upon, except for the fact that I suggest you put punctuation at the end of your lines in your poems, it helps the reader to know what kind of pause to make, and it assists the flow. But, other than that it seems that this poem was flawless.

as you told = as you tell

*She was never really there* emit or change this line

to cold to even care= too cold to even care

I sat= I sit

word= words

Your life was destroyed by a man = that line needs to be replaced with a better ending. That isn't necessarily the best line to leave the reader off with. With that line, I wouldn't read any more of your stuff... it's just, too much closure I suppose.

Okay, I lied about it being flawless lol but it was okay, good job my dear.

5/5
~Stephen White

Very good poem. There are somethings I thought you should change;

3rd stanza line 3: you should be your
4th stanza line 3: you should be your
5th stanza line one word should be words
and in line 3: had should be have

I thought that these changes would make the poem flow alittle better. But it is only a suggestion. I really did love this poem though. 4/5

Well first off
I;'m sorry about your friend
That kills me how a parent can do that
but this poem is pretty good
very deep

Sorry i havent commented back fast. i broke my arm the day i posted that. it is hard to type.

"I listen as you told me"
choose a tense.

my favorite stanza is the second bc of the rhyme you used. i also read the poem about your dad. im sorry about your loss.

i think you were repetetive with some words. other then that it is good.
thanks for the comment. good rhyme scheme.

5/5 thiz poem waz really good and it waz deep az hell...i dont understand how thiz boyz, men can do thiz 2 anybody...that iz so krazy...newayz i luvz all yo poemz they iz juzt real and speakz the truth...it makez pplz juzt wanna cry...i swear

much luv
peachez

Wow. This poem really affects the reader, or at least it did me. Word choice was fairly basic, but descriptive enough to provoke an emotional response in the reader. Very nice!

Excellent poem, I really enjoyed it, keep up the good work. Check out some of my poems when you have the time.

Best Wishes
Wallace

I listen as you told me
[I {listened} as you told me.]

Again, bad punctuation. I'm not trying to bring you down, I understand some hate punctuation in poems, but it really does help the flow.

About the poem. I'm really sorry to say, but I really disliked it. It told a story, sure, but it didn't express any feelings toward it or what happened. Details in poetry are imporant. Sorry.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 3.5

That was well written i like the rhyming you used and the poem was simple yet it creates a picture in the readers mind.

Shut up n stop critisizing

I likehow well you ryhme. i had a hard time keeping images out of my head.

This is so sad...and yet so beautifully written.
The emotion and depth are clear for the reader to see, flow is perfect throughout and the imagery is wonderfully used.
The ending is very intense and a perfect way to wrap up.
I hope things are getting better for your friend.

Wow this was so sad.. I liked that you incorperated the emotion of helplessness with not being able to do anything to help your friend, along with the great sence of anger at the person for letting this happen and sadness that your friend had to go through all of this alone.