I thought that it was great. It had a very nice flow as always and wonderful word choice. I gave it a 5/5.

Her closest family will be no use her
this line does not make sese the way it is written and it throws the flow off slightly
The next to last stnaz the next to last line (i think) Doesn't make alot of sense either. Although the vocab and the word choice are excellent, the ending seemed to be off somehow, but i can't but my finger on it, maybe you should word it diffrently, to go with the flow, the punction was great, the spealling was wonderful, and the emtion was strong but still I will have to give this poem a 4/5 because for some reason I couldn't get past the rocky flow, sorry. I hope this comments helps, you some, I am not trying to be mean, I am just judging your poem as you would mine honeslty

I don't know what to think about this really. the concept is something i haven't come across before, which is refreshing,but it still feels like there's something more that could be done with it. Saying that you didn't like the oem yourself, maybe you've picked up on that too? I'm sure it's because your poem is very structured that forces you to focus on rhyme an rhythm over the actual subject, so maybe try writing without such definitive style? i don't know. i do like that you were brave enough to write about something that wasn't based on a personal experience though. [Well, i'm assuming!]

L.x

I found that your use of "the woman" sorta threw the flow off for me in this poem.
I dunno how to fix it, but I wasn't that into it haha.

Maybe something like this ;
"She sits alone watching the time pass by,
Dreading as each of the seconds go.
A cough leaves her aging body exhausted
Making her lose her cheerful glow."

Gah but that doesn't really flow.
I dunno. Leave it :]
The flow was stiff, but next time you'll look out for that now haha.

I still enjoyed it though.
I liked the topic a lot.

In the forth stanza you changed your reference to the person in the poem.
MY advice would be do this in every stanza, or stick to one. =]

4/5 if i voted. xo

Well it's okay for me. Not your best of course, flow was okay for me. I like the language use in the poem. Good job!

Very thought provoking like the woman was a very bad person in life and is going to hell for the things she had done in her past 5/5

I adore this...that ending is beautiful...very melancholy and yet holding so much power and depth, very intense.
Beautiful word choice, flawless flow throughout the entire poem, and by the end of the first stanza I was completely hooked.

I thought the poem got of to a great start but kind of died down near the end, which is very unusual for your poetry. A couple of stanza's need an extra word or two but never the less a great write 5/5

"A cough leaves the woman exhausted,= "A cough leaves the woman(,) exhausted,

will be no use her= will OF no use TO her

brink's bend. = This should be the title, which make these words more meaningful, rather than how they seem to be randomly placed in this context

all of others = all THE others

For the woman will never wake up older. = well, now try not to state the obvious in the last line unless you are writing a funny poem.

This poem does deserve to be hated, but it also doesn't deserve to be hated at the same time. I did not like your big words that were just randomly thrown in there, and your title wasn't very attractive. It seems as if you tried to make this poem work, but you just couldn't.... In poems like these, you need to get the reader more in touch with who the main character is so that the reader becomes attatched and therefore her death has an effect on the reader.

I'm surprised at how well your punctuation was, and you did do a good job.

Well done =]
~Stephen White

I like the title and idea you chose for this poem. I also like the rhyming words you used, they were very colourful and sophisticated. Sure, the flow was off in some spots, but you created a perfect image of a dying woman, Great work.