Comments : My Life Is Just A Black Hole

  • 16 years ago

    by DarkNDangerous

    This is how i feel!!

  • 16 years ago

    by Jessica

    I have know one to love.
    ^ should be "no one" not "know one"

    Every body thinks i am nothing,
    ^ should be "everybody" not "every body"

    and i should stab me with a knife.
    ^ should be "myself" not "me"

    i mean no one likes me anyway.
    ^ you shouldn't really use "i mean" in poetry. it's more something you would say, not write.

    Well that solved the trouble i am out of there way,
    i hope there happy because i am staying.
    ^ should be "their" the first time and "they're" the second time not "there".

    because i was decaying.
    ^ should be "am" not "was"

    I see all these invisible people running like bees saying buzz.
    ^ this does not make sense to the context of the poem. Do not just use it because it rhymes.

    This was good, i found it interesting and it caught my attention. I found from the bit where you said you should stab yourself onwards a bit cliche and that made it a little boring to me. But I lvoed the idea of the black hole. Nicely done hun. 4/5