I don't want it

I don't want it to hurt
I don't want the tears to fall down
I don't want the heart shattering pain to come..

what if it doesn't stop hurting
what if it goes to far
what if i start to cut again because it hurts to much

I've stopped myself from feeling
I've stopped myself from caring
I've stopped everything

i don't sleep anymore
i don't eat
But yet i feel so fine

I don't want it to hurt
I loved her so much
I loved her with everything i had

she died while i held her hands
she died while she was in ICU
She died thinking i would cry
she died thinking that i would care

but i don't care
or i think i don't
i haven't cried
and i haven't yelled
i just don't care

she told me not to be afraid to love
I'm not afraid to love
I'm afraid to care

i don't want to cry
i don't want to care
i don't want to hurt