I feel that some of your lines are based around your rhymes - and that causes some stanzas to not quite fit together. I liked how it was like a story-poem, it kept me intrigued. I thought it was well done, the only critique I have is to let it come natural and fix the tweaks at the end - don't base a line around a needed rhyme.

Oh dear, this is another great one by you, as always you have done a great job, but this was just too sad.
keep it up like always.

My, what an attention-grabbing piece you've written. How you conjured melancholic images in the mind thrilled me exceedingly, along with the graceful passion in which you write with. I only have complaints about the latter development of the plot and other technical aspects. It seemed to be in an disordered shape and ended rather abruptly, which, I believed, needs to be reorganized, in order to augment the overall flow and the poem itself as well.

This work, nevertheless, appealed to me. I liked the counterplay/counterattack concept you employed on this piece, which is, in fact, akin to a chess game. =] A gruesome and thrilling piece. Thank you for sharing. ~Debbie

This is... I don't even know. It's just awesome. I don't know how to describe it. But it's great. Wish I could do that good. Don't even say I do, cause I know I don't. But I've been on like a writing spree all tonight so I wrote like 4 more if you wanna comment them.

Honestly this piece was interesting. The title again capturing. Some lines seemed to go off I felt as though your ryhmes didn't fit in, as though you added them because you had to. That is the only thing I found to make the flow of this poem off.

What do else do you want,

This line is it supose to be

What else do you want

If not sorry about that it just seems to sound a little wrong. The story behind this was amazing none the less. I felt it to be intense and didn't bore me at all. Well done~mel

I found this to be original and unique in concept.
The opening was very powerful and grabbed my attention right away and from there on it just kept getting better and better.
The imagery you used in this is beautifully done, it created very vivid pictures in my mind.
The only thing I can suggest with this is to maybe take out some of the fillers (I, and, you etc) to make the flow better.
The flow is good for the most part, but there were times when I thought it went a little shaky.
Other than that, I adore this.