Desperate dispair

Far to long have these tears weld in my eyes,
they do not fall no i shed not one tear,
i lived each and everyday with a heart full of fear,
fear that i would loose you,
fear that you would leave me,
fear that i would be left in this world full of misery,

i have not a reason why i do not cry,
maybe its the disappointment you said you would never lie,
and then you did lie,
and it was straight to my face,
you said id never loose you that you would always be ok,

why did you say that,
it was a promise you could not keep,
and by the time i found out i was already in to deep,
i loved you i still do and i always will,
never saying the words was my greatest sin,

now your gone,
taken by the cancer that filled your lungs,
i still don't cry,
I'm captured by this desperate despair,
although it has been long over a year,
five in-fact and i still haven't cried,
my heart refuses to believe that you ever died.