Here with me (Doditsu)

by Hebe   Jul 3, 2007


Here with me

I love the clouds passing by
When the sun sinks in the sea
Lying to see the pink sky
Cause you're here with me

" Doditsu: A poem of 26 syllables in 4 lines.
1,2,3th lines 7 syllables and the last line 5. "

* I wanted to try something new. I've never wrote a doditsu before, so this is my first shot.
Please rate it, tell me what you think of it and let me know what I have to do to make it better.
Thanks!

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Misstress

    I like this, simple short yet effective, keep on writing on what u feel and like

    Misstress

  • 16 years ago

    by Birgit

    Wow, your first one is really good =O! It's so short, but really sweet. Keep it up.

  • 16 years ago

    by Debbie

    For a short and restricted form, I thought it was quite lovely and delightful to read as well. :) Its simplicity added beauty to the uncomplicated and fine scenery, and time seemed to stop whirling for the said moment of bliss and contentment.

    An enjoyable read, nonetheless. Thanks for sharing it.

    Best wishes,
    Marian

  • 16 years ago

    by BECLiKEW0AHH

    Aw. that was brilliant.
    short & sweet, with great imagery.

    very nice piece.
    keep it up,
    bec.x

  • 16 years ago

    by Tracy D Rollings

    To be honest with you , it's the first that I have seen , but it's cute, shot and sweet, to the point, and aia really like it, thanks for sharing , your friend Tracy d A+

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