A confusing valentines day.

I am sitting here, waiting for your call.

its valentines day.
i see couples exchanging gifts.
hugging.
kissing.
laughing.
i would imagine me and you like that.
but...
i know that it will never happen.

why are you playing around with my heart?
why wouldn't you be honest with me?
why don't you love me for reals?
why cant you hold my heart in you hands like you are afraid that you are going to lose it?

my heart is not a toy.
it has feelings like you heart.
it can get hurt like yours.

some times i wonder;
am i your only baby?
am i your only girl?
am i your only love?

you tell me things that i want to hear.
but it doesn't seem true.

i feel so confused.
empty.
lifeless.

i want to close my eyes and never open it again.
i want my superman to come and save me with his super powers.

are you going to be the one who will save me from this or there will be someone else?
some one more special?
are you going to be the one who will catch me when i slip?
are you going to be the one who holds my hand when i am afraid to walk?
are you going to be the one who dries me tears?
are you going to be the one who gives me piggyback rides when we are at the beach?
are you going to be the one who kisses my forehead when i fall sleep in your arms?
i don't think you will ever be.

is love always this difficult?
or is it just me.
maybe i am difficult to love.
or understand.
why cant you understand me?
is it because i am not giving you my whole heart or i am but you don't want to take it.

are you going to be the superman i have been imagining since when i was a little girl?
are you going to be the one who will save me from this poison?
please be...
if your not then tell me to close my eyes and never open it again...
because i cant live without you.
please save me from this poison...