AWWWWWWW how sweet is this!! i loved it x

Hmm, you have a lot of raw talent I'll have to admit that. You just need a little smoothing here and there. Let me help: (Before I start... people usually get very anal if I try to help them[dont ask me why] so IF you are one of those people just delete this!)

Okay first off we will work on flow:

Usually to make the flow good you want about the same amout of syllables in each line.

Sitting on my bed, (5)
wondering how you are. (6)
so many thoughts runnning through my head, (9)
because you left my heart with a scar. (9)

I'll do the first stanza for you .. just to help. :)
[You can have something like:]

I suffer here, sitting on my bed, (9)
Worrying, wondering, how you are. (9)
So many thoughts, runnning through my head, (9)
Because you left my heart with a scar. (9)

Doesn't that follow much better? ...

Now the Second thing... add puncuation.
Make sure you capitalize the beginng of each line. Thats how poetry grammer is...
As you see above I added puncuation.. it really helps the look of the poem and the flow. [Plus people will rate you higher because you made it not only sound good but look good too] ;)

Now the Third thing.. Make Stanzas.
They make the poem look structured and .. makes it look like a poem instead of a paragraph :P

I suffer here, sitting on my bed,
Worrying, wondering, how you are.
So many thoughts, runnning through my head,
Because you left my heart with a scar.

When you left for training,
I cried so many tears.
I hope our memories aren[']t fading,
That[']s one of my biggest fears. (Make sure you us those apostrophes!)

I pray to [G]od every night,
That you won[']t forget about our love.
I sometimes imagine your face in [site],
Because you're the one [im] always thinking of.
(God is a name capitalize.. this site is like a work site you want 'sight' and im is I'm)

I just hope it[']s a fact,
That you're safe and okay.
But until you come back,
I continue to cry every night and every day.

Mmkay other than that it was great. I can see the effort and the confusion. Your still learning but that's okay. :) Keep it up.

5/5

I can understand how much you are in love with your bf. GOD bless you both and let him know your love and take these beautiful words to him. tc

Aww very sweet poem u have written i really loved it, 5/5

Again, I really liked this poem. Dont worry about it though. Just write him when you can and I promise he will never forget you, but dont forget to write. getting mail is one of the greatest things during training. good luck! xxx
Mike

Awhh this almost made me cry=[
but i liked a lot!

I won't rate this one. I don't like your style and your topics. I think that this poem isn't deep enough. You didn't created good atmosphere. Sorry bur I don't like it.

This is a really cute poem and i can actually kindof relate because im going to the NAVY soon and a lot of people are sad but my favorite lines were....:i pray to god every night,
that you wont forget about our love.
i sometimes imagine your face in site,
because you're the one im always thinking of." Dont stop writting you are great at what you do and your only 15 thats really good....Thanks for commenting mine...!

I can relate to about all your poems and trust me thats alot of poems lol.
I love this one :)

5/5

~Mz.Raven

P.S anuther one im not sposed to comment lol, i dont thnk im going to be getting to the ones im supposed to be commenting for a long time because the ones im reading are so good

HoW sweeT iS thiS poeM anD i loveD iT.

luzaN

It seems like me and you are going through the same pain now, as my that special person left me as well, and ask me how is that pain, its no joke, it really hurt

but another great poem by you,,,, you are truly so talented

That was so sweet! i know the feeling when someone you love is away for awhile.
loved it. amazing poem! 5/5 (:
"Because you left my heart with a scar."
favourite line!