This has good potential. it is a fairly original idea, and the form is good. however i think the wording is slightly off- it seems like it has been written in anger (this is great because you can feel the raw emotion) however it is probably not grammatically the best way to write a poem.

if you want to develop it i suggest rereading it and correcting errors, e.g. the second line.

alternatively you could leave it as an emotional vent.

good luck
xx