Just A Simple Bet

by I love you always and today   Aug 8, 2007


I like to hold your hands
Knowing with you my life would be grand
when you come around my face turns bright red
and when your gone i feel completely dead
You was the one who made my heart cured
And now I know our feelings are so pure
I'm glad cause i found someone like you
To have someone to help me out with everything i do
Out of all the boys you were the only one that tried
And you were the only one that held me close as i cried
I don't believe in love yet
But you are the one i bet

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  • 16 years ago

    by Jaime

    "I don't believe in love yet
    But you are the one i bet"

    Those lines made you seem like a realistic dreamer. By admitting you don't believe in love yet, the whole poem seemed a little more believeable, especially considering your age. I really respect that.

    It's nice that you found someone like this, I'm truly happy for you. I think a lot of people can relate to this poem, which makes it more enjoyable for the reader.

    The biggest issue I have with this poem is actually rather small.

    "I would take anything of yours
    And now I know our love is so pure"

    These two lines seem very out of place. First of all, the rhyming there is a -huge- stretch. But even the content just doesn't go with the rest of the poem. Why would you take anything of this persons? That line just didn't make sense to me. And as for the second one, you said you don't believe in love. I would suggest changing the word 'love' in that line to 'feelings', just so you don't contradict yourself.

    Take care, and good luck with this boy. :)

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