I hide my pain

I hide my pain like the rest of them
That's why I'm always laughing
I'm troubled, I'm brilliant and miserable too
That's why I am so funny
I swallow down all my fears
With a bottle made of silver
I've only been here for 15 years
But already my life is over

My life is like a fairytale
That nobody believes in
I can't remember anything
Not the people, not the places I've been
Just one more day you can make it, babe
That's what I tell myself
And everything that I love in life
It is killing me, 'cause it's bad for my health
p.s cuz i dont have the man i want