Make up your mind!

Why do I hurt?
why is there so much pain?
why can I feel it but I don't care anymore?
why can't he see I'm here for him no matter what?
I love him
why can't he just see that?
I want to cry but no tears will come
he sees me but keeps walking
I don't get it a few days ago he was holding me
now he won't even look at me
whats wrong with me?
why am I cursed?
why do I care?
why is it always me who gets hurt so bad?
I cant trust anyone
why does it have to be this way?
I'm slowly falling
retreating back into myself the only place I'm safe
I smile and no one knows
goodies for me
I want him to see me in the halls
and tell me its OK he never meant to hurt me
and he loves me just as much as I love him
why is it so hard to talk but so easy to write?
some people will read this and say wow look at her
she's so brave, I could never write like that
well trust me its not all that great
and what good is it doing me when the person I want to read it never will?
I cant even type like this in a message to him
I fear the rejection I'm sure I'll get
he said i could be the one
but I don't know if I want to be the one if it keeps hurting like this
if I could cry for him I would
I would cry forever
I feel numb
I'm used to pain now
isn't that sad though?
I mean I feel like I'm dieing
but I'm not trying to stop it or anything
and on top of that
I don't care
some days I wish I could just go into my safety and die
I can't stop thinking about him but i need to stop
or else I will just get hurt more
maybe I really love him
possibly more than I did the last
maybe I'm just that stupid
to think love is true
or to think he really meant that I was the one
god i wish i knew but it would take forever to get the answer out of him
and even longer to try to find it without help
I feel like a shell
but this isn't the first time I've felt this way
but at least last time I kinda deserved it
what did I do this time to deserve it?
I fell in love that's it
if you don't make up your mind and make your move soon
it will be too late.
that is my last warning
I'm sorry I fell for you
I don't mean to force you into a decision
but i feel you need to make up your mind
and to stop hurting the people you "care" about