You shouldn't have kissed me...

When I met you,
I did not think much of it,
Sure, you fit the bill,
But there was an impossible age gap,
But I remind myself,
It wasn’t me who pursued you.

I remember saying,
During the hard times,
“This is all god’s will.”
And what you said, I still remember,
“Don’t worry, we’ll pull through.”
I thought you believed in what you said,
That’s why I believed you in the first place.

I obsessed over everything we shared,
Words exchanged, messages, texts,
I sure do feel stupid now…

A friend once said “Don’t regret.”
I’m still not sure whether I do,
I wish you’d reassure me somehow,
Tell me,
Are you still there for me?
Or have you moved on?
Whatever the answer,
Good or bad,
I’d like to know,
Because I was left hanging in the dark once,
I waited longer than you’d know,
Only to realize,
That he’d moved on ages before me,
And it took such a long time to let go.

I’m jealous,
I’m possessive,
I’m determined,
I thought I’ve found happiness but apparently not,
God didn’t create this universe to please me,
The worlds unfair to everyone,
And that’s the only thing that makes it fair.

I wish I could read your mind now,
I really do,
I just want to know,
Have you got anything left for me?
I’ll wait,
For your reassurance,
You’ll never see this though,
I’ll never let you see the real me,
Especially not now.

When I told you that I have waited,
Inside it hurt a lot,
But I smiled and laughed,
To cover up that I have truly once loved,
And that I felt so stupid,
Giving up my time and heart for ignorance,
Inside, I wondered,
Whether you’d do the same to me.

Honestly,
I feel stupid writing this,
I hate the fact I’m so infatuated,
I hate the fact I’m still obsessed,
Whereas you seemed to have moved on,
I hate the fact,
That my feelings have welled up inside of me,
And I hate the fact I felt,
That if I did not express myself,
I would positively die,
Die from the pain you are putting me through.

I hope,
One day,
I’ll read this and think of how stupid I was,
And perhaps smile,
Because I have found someone better,
And know I’ll never go through this pain again.

I hate you,
I really do,
I hate her too,
Sometimes I wonder whether she knows how I feel,
Whether she even feels sorry for me,
Does she know?
When you told me what she said,
That I felt my heart tore,
Literally, into a million pieces?

Its too complicated,
I wish I never met you,
I wish I can forget,
I wish you’ll hurt like me,

And you know what?
You shouldn’t have kissed me…