I feel like I'm drowning.
My soul, my body, my love, hell... my very being.
A water so intoxicating, so mind altering, so consuming I can't gasp for air.
There's these brief moments when I reach for the surface, when I struggle for victory.
Mind over matter, mind over matter.
That's what I tell myself.
Doesn't work.
I go limp.
Let go of reason, of hope, of the ability to get through this.
I surrender to the waves, to the rollercoaster of emotions, to defeat.
I surrender.
I surrender to a love that boils the blood through my veins.
A love that can ease me, console, protect, adore and comfort me.
I surrender to a love so evil.
A love that violates me, abuses, beats and mistreats me.
I surrender to a love that I can not escape.
My lungs fill with the raging tides of lies and dishonesty, failure, misery, guilt and blame.
A realization so over-whelming, so god damn powerful, so hideous that I've lost my will to survive.
This supposed life jacket, given a voice through judgement, anger, frustration, and concern has finally lost its vocal chords.
It's floating in a sea of dissapointment along side my hollowed bag of dreams.
These waters have posessed me and I'm going under.
