I like it because I agree with it and I wrote something similar, like, how gluttony can be so misinterperated. That's all anyone is pretty much doing, misinterpreting their precious bible for their own personal liberations.

It's a poem.

Poems don't have to be verses and verses of fluffy prose, in fact I think that some the best poems are the ones that get the image across in the most efficient way. Just like this one.

It's not brilliant, but the idea is there and you put it down. That's what counts. The more you write the better you'll get as long as you either a: try something new regularly and b: strive to make your next poem better than your last in at least one way, be that by working on structure or expression or diction.

You're on the road, stick on it!