Comments : Sodemized and raped

  • 16 years ago

    by kimberly

    Thank you for your feedback

  • 16 years ago

    by GABRiELLExEMiRA

    Good poem.
    i know just how you feel sweetie.
    if you need to talk im here

  • 16 years ago

    by Silent Screams

    I agree With Storr. They need to know what pain feels like...The pain They're causing the other person. If you ever need someone to talk to i'm here. I'm on at least once every night and I'd be glad to talk with a fellow poet and someone who knows the pains of life as I'm sure we all know on here.

    Keep writing you have potential!
    5/5
    -Ally

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    Wow..

    Personal Comment:
    I am so sorry this happened to you, I've had a similar experience and it still haunts me, the pain is still there.. it happened over 6 years ago. I don't think the pain will ever leave but I have learned from the experience. Stay strong and hold on. Don't give them the pleasure of seeing you suffer.

    Poet Comment:
    This poem was beautifully written. You put so much emotion into it. The only thing you could do better is try and eliminate some of those repeating words (he she that) so it will become a little smoother. And capitalize each letter at the beginning of every line(poetry grammer :P lol) I think you could use a little help with one line and one stanza:

    This line: while the hate began to grow

    instead of "the hate" how about "her hate" ?

    And in this stanza the message was clear and strong but the structure needs a little help:

    but god never answered her
    hopefully he will
    because someone was allowed to hurt her
    and she feels the pain still

    How about:

    But sadly, God never answered her
    Though someday, he hopefully will
    'Cause someone as allowed to hurt her
    And she can feel that pain still.

    Maybe? Well if you don't like it, thats okay. Just trying to help :)

    This was my favorite stanza:

    he fed her lies and bull shit
    that hurt her in the end
    he always said he still loved her
    but he was a deceitful friend

    Beautifully Written

    5/5