People ask me why I am depressed. I ask them why they aren't

If happiness is flying a kite, then I'm the kind of person who ends up stood on a hilltop, in a thunderstorm, with a key tied to the kite, wearing a suit of armour, shouting "All gods are _barstools_"

Life... wish I had one...

When people tell you that it could be worse, they're right. What they don't tell you is that you will soon find out how much worse it could be

People who talk rubbish are generally thinking out loud

I sold my soul for a doughnut once... no wait... that wasn't me... that was a Simpson's episode. My mistake

When looking for a sandwhich at two in the morning, do not look under the sofa, for what is there is not edible, well, it's not tasty

True friends never leave you, no matter how hard you hint

Don't be depressed, not when you can be angry

Nobody chooses depression, depression is given to you, much the same way a 3 tonne rhino doing the Can-can on your head will give you a headache