When looking for a sandwhich at two in the morning, do not look under the sofa, for what is there is not edible, well, it's not tasty

True friends never leave you, no matter how hard you hint

Don't be depressed, not when you can be angry

Nobody chooses depression, depression is given to you, much the same way a 3 tonne rhino doing the Can-can on your head will give you a headache

Depression is like rain and I'm like Noah

Just how many wrongs DO make a right?

I don't drink to be happy, I drink because I'm not

Don't drink when you're angry and you won't be angry when you drink

Remember, the only person left smiling after all the cards are dealt is the joker