Yes I DO use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear. Thank you very much.

Valentine's day:

like we really need another day of the year to feel like sh*t because we're single. thank you effin' hallmark.

I'm rad, you're rad,

*LETS HUG*

:)

ATTENTION:

Due to *lack of interest*, tomorrow has been cancelled.

*Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.*

So the elephant says to the naked man, "Thats cute and all, but can you really breathe through that thing?"

Oh yea? You know WHY?!

Because you touch yourself at night.

*(props to Blake)*

I LIKE YOU!

(don't believe everything you read)

*(props to David)*

"What's that number for 911 again?"

LOIS: "Okay Peter, this one's easy...What is the color of a fire truck?"

PETER: "Oh, GOSH, don't tell me...don't tell me...what are the color of those red fire trucks? Damn, I don't know....."

*FAMILY GUY-gotta love it!*