Girl 'With which country borders Portugaly?'
Guy:'I know it's in America but let me think for a while so I can answer correctly'

This rice tastes like coffee and smells likes carrots

"On my first day in New York a man asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: 'Do you mind if I mug you here?" -Paul Merton

When I get a little money, I buy books; and if any is left, I buy food and clothes.
[Desiderius Erasmus (1465-1536)]

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.
[Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)]

There is only one word that is genuinely without strings, and that word is blackmail

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded- dead.
- Woody Allen

Pickles are cucumber soaked in evil...

Can you handle a girl who can tolerate more pain than you??

You will miss me when I'm gone... You will won't you?? Please miss me...