“Anything 4 U” by Banks on repeat tonight.

I will be back in my hometown in a week's time in nearly six months and I am not sure how it is going to feel. So many memories and feelings I wish to wash away but, yet, they linger.

"Put the gun in my mouth, it tastes so bitter / I feel so alive here" - No Jesus Christ by Seether.

Burn by Banks echoing in my head this morning, filling me with bittersweet smiles. “And you’re living in your mind / and nostalgia holds you in dark places / but I’ll be here just in case you decide you want some help / we can face it.”

“Oxygen” by Emeli Sandé hitting me hard this morning.

Please don’t become just a memory.

I can only hope that somehow I am enough for you to want to come back.

I crave the rush of nicotine, the way it turns my fingertips into a tingling blur of motion. How I can feel it in my toes. Can close my eyes and just be, for just a moment.

The Listening by Lights stuck in my head today.

“INDUSTRY BABY” by Lil Nas X featuring Jack Harlow is the latest hype song. On repeat.