I will be back in my hometown in a week's time in nearly six months and I am not sure how it is going to feel. So many memories and feelings I wish to wash away but, yet, they linger.

“Anything 4 U” by Banks on repeat tonight.

I am drowning again, and I am not sure I can pull myself out this time.

“Happy Loner” by Marina.

“I've got no aim, a million rounds, is nothing real / a hundred pounds of heavy steel, it feels so loud / tied to my chest, it feels so loud” - Modus by Joji.

“Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” - New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift.

Halsey concert tomorrow. I am so excited that I’m shaky.

“Camouflage so I can feed the lie that I'm composed” - Whispers by Halsey.

“I am not a woman, I’m a god
I am not a martyr, I’m a problem
I am not a legend, I’m a fraud
So keep your heart cause I already got one”
- I am not a woman, I’m a god by Halsey

It would not hurt if it was not real.