I thought it was okay to talk to myself... untill I told myself a joke I'd never heard before.

From Taxi-
Hey whats the ball of yarn doing in the fridge?

Note to Self:
Don't eat pink insulation. It's not cotton candy...

Stop dressing like me!
Uh...I dont dress like you...
Ya...well, you would if you could dress cool...

The voices may not be real, but they have good ideas!

Well, they say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

Little Sister: Your Ugly.
You: And your quite good looking...for a Gorilla, that is...

Love is when you don't want to go to bed because reality is better than some dream.

Never trust what a man says when he's in love, drunk, or running for office.

I had an imaginary friend when i was little, but he'd always go play with the boy down the street.
Me:Well, I guess I'll see you later then...
Him:Ya, whatever, queer.
Me:Why does everyone keep saying that?!?

~Comedy Central