What Happened To You Today (#??)

Got back from tenerife today which was a fantastic week but now im covered in very bad sunburn and walking is too painful lol.
ow well it was worth it.

XxLuciferxX

Sat and did my home work today. Bored to death. Feeling all lonely.

Today I hung out with my cuzin relaxed read my book (tricks--Ellen Hopkins best auther EVER) AND AND ANNNND I found out the guy I think I love likes hitting on my best friend T.T

Slept and watched movies. lazy day today... oh and fed to chickens, cat, and 21 sled dogs. =] very fun...... and cleaned the dog yard a bit... fun fun... [=

Ummm. slept and went to walmart. lol Only day off work. so very very lazy

My week from monday - Monday = Hospital Tuesday = Very uneventful day at school. Wednesday = Fun day at my work experience placement, and awesome night with my hockey team! Thursday = Hospital. Friday = Falling asleep at school and about to go to my teams (the one i coach...)waterpolo game. woop woop...very exciting life i lead

I woke up around 10 this morning. my mother and little sister had left for a shopping day. so, I made some pancakes for me and my daddy :]

then I did my daily chores that were left on the fridge. uhh let's see what else.. I found my way back to this site! haha.

now I am just sitting around, starting on my load of homework. later this evening; I shall attend a bonfire.

Tried to open a stupid bank account as I closed my old one and apparently I have to make an appointment and blah blah blah so have to go back again tomorrow... lame.

Today....was crap, yesterday was worse.

I am now doing 3 assignments due friday. 2 days to do them.

Today? Nothing really. I had nothing to do.

Tomorrow? I shall go into town, and buy something. If i cannot find anything, i'll buy a book and then read it all day in either Starbucks or Clements. Or both! :D

I found out a friend i had freshman year and a complete sweetheart died in a fire late last night....i cried and cried...went to work and cried on break and now i have to study all night...not a good day

Supposively my boyfriend got "possessed" last night. At least from my point of view, that's his excuse for not calling me at all last night. *rolls eyes*

Don't get me wrong, I believe in demon possession and all that, but it seems more of an excuse in this case. But then again.. I'm a very skeptical person. Who knows.

Woke up way to early, got no sleep last night. umm I wnt to dinner with some friends and Im about to look for a job. Average day

Well today, my little girl woke me up at around about 10. I grabbed a shower whilst she played with her bath toys on the floor. Got dressed, checked some stuff online then went to my parents and we had fun trying to complete todays papers crossword and we only had 4 left to do. Then we went to pick my niece up and tool the dogs for a long walk with her and my daughter. I came home and now I'm just chilling waiting for my friend to come round and have something to eat. Then I shall be off to bed when she goes. Boring but fun day.
What will tomorrow bring lol ? I don't know!

Well today I went to the zoo! it was oober cool!!! except for it was raining, but in a way it made it much more fun! frizzy hair and soaking wet, what's a better way to spend the day? lol
I just got home from st john youth wher i made fruit kebabs with my group for their last night because of term break so they have 2 weeks off.
eek im working at the hospital next week! exciting!!
i get scrubs and everything!

Havent been on in a while....

well, lets see. since i posted, i dropped my philosophy class and added child psychology. school is going pretty good. it's closed today and hopefully tomorrow because there's a fire burning not too far from the school that's been going on since tuesday morning.

me and eric had our 1 yr anniversary on the 13th. it sucked ass. we fought the entire time. as well as that entire week.

i went to las vegas for the first time with my dad last week. it was really fun even though i couldn't do much of anything. but that's ok. it was still fun. it was exhausting though!

me and eric are ok now. havent fought since sunday. he's trying to do better...

oh and today i had a job interview at california pizza kitchen. i find out either tomorrow or the next day if i go on to round 2 of 3. hopefully i get a call, because i really need a new job. i hate macys.

I go to postaloffice to get a postal i.d.

The other night I went to the haunted corn maize with my boyfriend and some of our friends. We got split into two groups of three. It was a little awkward because my boyfriend's friend/roommate held one of my hands, while my boyfriend held the other. (My boyfriend's friend wanted someone to hold his hand while we were walking through.)

It was really fun though. I'm thinking about going through again with my brother and his wife.

Like always me and my ex fussed all day

I almost died today, literally! As I left the store today, my car started twisting and turning, it went out of control. Luckily there were not alot of traffic at this time today, because if it was, I'd be dead. Haha, if the rest of my days be like this, maybe I won't have to try suicide after all:)

Woke up with a hangover, and remembered how much I really don't like myself. Went home and showered and didnt talk to my friends all day. Wrote my 200th poem this evening. Still depressed.

I have chronic depression. Does that even exist?
I don't know what happens to me that i get depressed but I've come up with a theory.
I think that when your bored, you obviously (or at least i do) think of the past and things that you wonder about and such.
I get bored every day, no matter what I'm doing.
I got bored today and started to think of when my best friend started to date the girl i liked after i had told him i liked her. And i punched through my wall.
And tore apart a page of my journal that i had to wind up putting back together.
I need to get a high or a buzz but i wont, for my friend. Im whipped, its the girl that he dated.

Failed my chemistry test, failed my pre calc quiz, still depressed. My teacher pretty much told me I'm nothing more than he sees on the outside, and he doesn't like what he sees.

Woke up suddenly to the house alight for the whole dang universe to see. Walked in the cold with a backpack too heavy and packed full with over due homework. Froze nearly into a popsicle because the bus was late and I didn't put on enough layers ((already had a bajillion on)). Now I am in english class angry with the world and my teacher for believing everything has to be perfect to get into college. "oh, your resume is not good enough, do it over." "oh, umm..mykel I know you can do better on your personal essay, revise it." "Nothing of this is worth sending in to the college, they don't want to hear what you've been through, they want to know what you want to do and how your going to get it." erg...gonna strangle my essay.

Had my 2nd job interview w/ macaroni grill just a few minutes ago. the guy that interviewed me and my friend the 1st time was there, as well as the general manager. i think it went pretty good. i hope i get this job..i need out of macys really bad. i'm about to go into a murderous rage, truly.

besides that, it's going pretty good. me and eric still fight some, but not as much. we're going to a party on halloween, so we have to get costumes but we have no idea what we want to be...

Got into a really bad fight with my boyfriend last night. I'm really depressed. Has this last year and 2 months been worth it.. or have I just wasted my time? I think I'm going to go back to bed. Too depressed to do much of anything else.

I'm very depressed....so depressed....i dont know why it has been so long since i've been here...ashamed I guess because i'm falling back into my deep dark hole. eric "broke up" with me today....he always does, but then he says he was kidding. always does it when we're fighting. im so tired of it. honestly. i just want him to care about me ever. i dont know why its so hard. and i dont want him to leave me because i'm so in love with him, but i'm tired of this all. he hurts me sometimes. not like punches, but holds me down and stuff. it scares me more then it hurts....but that is still abuse. then he has the nerve to say I abuse him because i tickle him and stuff to get him to talk to me. pathetic. honestly. he has no idea what is he losing. i deserve to be treated like a queen like i used to. when he came back saying he didnt really mean it, i said he did. because he pushed on my throat. didn't hurt...but i'm very paranoid. if i can't breathe very easily i think im going to die. so he can just stay broken up with me...if he wants me to stay he needs to work real hard. im over this. im over the pain, over the fighting, over the lack of compassion.....i need to feel loved.

Well i had a day of music in my room, getting ready and cleaning my room up a bit, my friend came round and we watched a few dvds and ate some munchies.... good day for me :) xxx

I stayed in bed til afternoon and then spent the night shopping in farmfoods and asda, got amazing jewellery in asda for 50p and £1!! ate Chinese and went on facebook then came on here xxxx

Well I haven't been on here in months!
Well my brother has moved back from overseas!! I went to the pub to watch his band preform, went to church last night and it was absoulutly amazing! last Friday I worked at Big Day Out with the ambulance crew - there were 140 st john volunteers ^_^ I met Lily Allen cause I had to give her a plaster! =] My life is getting itself together. I start a full time job soon and next january I am going into the navy!

Sat around in my own self pity and in frustration and anger said some things I did not mean to a close friend. I'm slowly seperating myself from society.

I'm leaving tomorrow morning at six to fly back home.. I'm leaving my family, once again. & I'm going back to what makes me crazy & sane, all at the same time.

I'm so tired & so emotional, that I'm crying because I can't close my suitcase.. I'm crying over a suitcase, that refuses to close.. I think I'm losing it.

I feel sick to my stomach, because I looked at one of his exes pictures, just to see how she was doing & all.. & now, I can't get over the fact that, I'm nothing like him, nor am I like her, or any of his exes for that matter.. I don't understand, why he chose me, when he had her. & now, I'm starting to think, he just chose me, because he couldn't have her.

Truth is, I don't know if I truly want to go back.

Today was pretty bad and boring....the only person i look forward to is my boyfriend cuz in the storm he brings sunshine....i felt like crap this morning....but there he was. right now im bored cuz he's in votech and i'm soooo bored lol

PLEASE READ THIS AND GIVE ME SOME ADVICE.

i don't even know where to start anymore. i can't decide if i need help or if i should just keep doing what im doing and pretend that everythings normal and that nothing is bothering me. i have been just smoking and cutting my problems away lately. just to numb out the demons and memories that are constantly replaying through my tired mind. i cant keep going on like this. i swear, if things don't get better i want to just let go. i just want it to be over with.

my depression has been killing me lately. it is seriously consuming me and swallowing me whole. but i can't tell my mom how i feel cause it would stress her out. shes working, going to school, and trying to find a way to get a divorce as soon as possible and keep our house. my eyes tear up when i think about my mom it makes me so sad knowing how much pain shes in and how much she has to do just so we can get by. shes a good actor but i know that shes falling apart. i can tell because she looks just like me. my dad deserves to be in jail for what hes done to me my family. how can one man cause so much damage? every day he got home from "work" you were drunk as shitt. i dont remeber that last normal coversation i've had with you. dad, you are suppose to be there for your family but you were everything but that. when i think about you all that comes to mind is alcohol and yelling. it hurts, knowing that im your kid and that im not important enough to be your 1st priority. i swear that when i have a kid they will always come 1st and i will make sure that they don't have to deal with what i had to.

i dont blame all my sadness on my dad, i hate myself for not being able to deal with it in a good way,. but hurting myself is the only way that i know how to make the pain disapear for a little while. it makes me feel like i have control over my body. i've been to counsling before. but i told my mom that i didnt need it because i knew we couldnt keep affording it. i know i need help, but i dont know what to do anymore.

im out of ideas, im out of opptions. someone, please tell me what i should do.

You could've made a new topic for this, a lot more people would've answered.

Your mum knows that your dad was destroying your family, thats why shes divorcing him. Shes trying to remove this person from your life. She has to work also to pay for your family to keep the house, because your father won't pay for it most likely. I'm not sure what you're looking for help with, maybe it's the loneliness and pain you're feeling. If it is, try to think of other things. Everybody have certain ways of coping with depression. smoking, cutting, drugs, etc. I'd recommend none of them. Music really helps me. If you have friends, you could go out with them more, maybe confide in one if you're close with them.

You need to understand that once this divorce is over with and if you keep your home, life will eventually return to normal, hopefully better without your father, and if you're still having trouble with depression it could be helped. Just stick it out, theres always people wanting to help. : )

I almost forgot to say what happened to me today! (Sorry for the double post)

I got up quite late today, my Insomnia was acting up on me again last night, then rushed lunch and got into work only just in time. I had a fun 5 hours pushing trolleys around with my friend and chatting about family guy and stuff. (I swear, its not really working but catching up on recent events, but don't tell my managers!). I then got home and helped 2 of my friends, they really can't stay out of trouble. :P

Then couldn't sleep so came on here and typed away. So here I am!

Today was ok... A friend of mine is going crazy and me and this guy I really like is helping me with him. But with all this happening i'm staring to feel more and more like I did last year. Last year I got so sad i wasn't myself. And also I think i'm failing math and I will don't want to be. I also have to go to the DR's because i'm sick. So really my day sucks.

Today was odd, getting close to a girl and all of a suddenly a very close friend gets upset saying she loves me even though i though she was seeing someone,
i dont know what to do as iv been crazy about her for a very long time now yet this new girl is very nice, lol its very odd having two girls who want to be with me.
Ill have to see what happenes tomorrow.

Well today was long..
school was boring..
picked my bf up from work and argued about everything and anything..im exhausted..
so probably about to take a long warm bath.

I woke up being late for skool and now i didnt get to eat breakfast and i got to see my love