All Cutting/Self Harm Issues, This Thread Only

Please keep all cutting/self harm issues to this thread. When it reaches 100 posts, a new thread will be started by a mod.

Ive been clean since January 13th. Ive been doing good, so far. Last month i almost relapsed but i held it together. Last week i almost relapsed again nut i kept it together..at first i thought i was amazing, for being able to say no even though the urge itself was enough pain! Until i realised im not strong, not even near, im still getting the urge, and even though i dont cut and im holding onto the willpower - the fact is i still want to cut. I dont think i will be all healed and whole again until i stop getting the urge al together.

Is there any Ex-Cutter out there who has stopped completely and doesnt have the urge any more??
I need to believe that there are people out there who have not only managed to stop but who are now happy with their lives and dont even get the feeling of wanting or needing to cut.

So far the only emotions im able to experiance are anger and fear. I havnt been happy for so long. Most days i think about self harming, not really thinking - more a case of fantasizing (even though i know id be dissapointed in myself if i did it). Im angry all of the time, at everything and everyone. Every little event when they are all mounted up me nothing but hate. The fear thing, because although i fantasize about going back to self harm, because i know it will give me relief - but not in the long run, im most fearful that i cant live without it, that if i do fail, fall back into the routine of cutting again that, that will be it for me..if i start again i know i wont be able to stop - a mixture of ocd too i guess.

Ive tried alot of medication to stabalize my moods but nothing as yet has worked or even came close. I could just go to bed and sleep, all day, all night, all week..i could waste away if i let myself , and its not that im being strong and overcoming my depression..because when im awake and doing my daily life things im doing them in a sort of robot mode. Im not happy but i'll fake happy to make everyone else feel "normal".

I dont expect a reply or even a conversation starter from this, im mostly just venting my thoughts in the hope that somebody who reads this either feels the same or has. I know i cant be the ONLY one to feel this way.

-Panda

I quit 2 or 3 yrs ago now, I have stopped counting, but it still surfaces once in a while and I expect it to honestly, it was my crutch for a very long time.

Today has been a good day. Mainly tonight, I watched movies with my niece then when she went to bed I downloaded christmas ringtones and live christmas wallpaper, turned my twinkly lights on and read a little..yes today has been a good day.

Thank you to those who messaged me, was very appreciated.x

.

Things are bad again.

Indeed ^^^

Yes same here
i spend all day crying
i feel to numb to even just live
i feel like giving up i screwed everything up everybody was happy and i just screwed up everything now everybody hates me

Hey, long story short have been doing SI(self injury) for quite a while now, quite much have done anything one could think of, burning, cutting, starving, punching steel, fracturing my own bones and so on. Have went bit too far sometimes too ending up unconscious and in really messed state. Been thinking way too much over last year about it all, still I was never able to find a reason to go on or a way to forget things. Been trying too long for someone who doesn`t even wish for my help, been caring too long when she had already gave up on everything, been missing her everyday and every moment when I`m not busy, waste too, since I almost never cross her mind anyway.

Anyway, the thing is that I simply can`t find any more relief in pain, it`s just not enough, can spend entire night destroying myself, but all I feel is only like small spikes of pain 1-3 seconds, after that it`s again numbness. Nothing anymore seems fun or interesting, can`t even keep myself busy, only when working I can stop thinking too much.

Maybe I can finally let it all go now, maybe can finally stop torturing myself in only way I seem possible. Now it`s again like I`m slipping back into apathy. Just can`t seem to find anything what matters anymore, but I think I`m alright with it now. I did try a lot and for long time, well not for myself, but still I did put a lot effort in it to try make things better, even if tiny bit.

Why I even wrote this? I`m not sure, maybe it makes me feel little less lonely, maybe for hope someone might understand, I don`t know, just had to say this to someone and since I got nobody here anymore I didn`t have much options of where to put it.

Janis don't ever think your alone we are here just call for us and we will help.

You say that all you feel is numbness maybe because you have grown use to the pain you put yourself through, now this could could come out wrong (as i'm not the best with words) but stop and think do you really need to torture yourself i say make an effort go somewhere quiet find somewhere i don't somewhere where you can stop thinking i just stare we all think the world is scary its hard and it hurts but rarely do we stop and see its beauty so find a place and just watch time go by see the birds the clouds and just the world doing its thing, forget all your troubles and just stop and breathe take a moment to try for yourself and get better because nobody is ever alone you will have somebody you may not realize it but there will be somebody

I'm just completely losing the will to live and i don't know how long i can stand this...

Its not easy...... looking at the scars..... but i look at life differently now...... i look at the scars and i see strength.... i survived different situations and i have the scars to prove it.... i cudv died but here i am.... with a story to tell and scars to prove it

I was weak and i cut again i just feel like i have nothing left the person i love is going out with my best friend and i keep making mistakes everything is falling apart i cant stand this any longer i just cant... someone save me

Can i die please?

I cut again. 8 times. Then ten minutes later I did it again. 9 times. I want to do it right now. 10 times. I want to do it later. 11 and 12 times. I lost control of the situation.

Behind the smile i know how you feel i have 40 cuts in total and i want to do more but i have no room...

I'm doing it on my stomach. Plenty of room there.

Its summer for me swimming erg and my p.e teacher suspects....he keeps asking me

Oh that suck. I'm sorry.

If you need to private message me you can.

No its alright i have to leave for two weeks soon so soon it shall be goodbye for awhile but well im here might as well help people if anybody here or anywhere whos just passing through if you need help im always trying to find ways to help its helps me procrastinate thingking about my life so please let me help you

My life is kinda really complicated. I don't really think it can be helped at this point.

So i guess we are in the same boat but today im happy because i finished year 9 (8th grade) but i'm sad because i liked my class now i'm going to have a new one... i might be separated from my best friend...

It seems llike its never going to end.. The feeling I get when I want to cut myself... Why wont it go away???? I've tried so hard to make my family believe I'm better.. but what good does that do when my heart feels like its breaking a little bit each day?

All they see is the fake smile I paste on my face every morning.. I guess I've forgotten how to reach out to people.. how to ask for help.

I dont know how much longer can keep up this.. This is not a llife.. I feel like I'm losing myself.

HELP...IM A DANGER TO MYSELF...FORGET IT ...im not worth saving

Midnight rain you think your not worth saving well stop look back at your life you may not realize but theres someone other then your family you would tear apart by saving yourself we can help but we can't save you... you have to save yourself as somebody once said "lifes only as good as you make" so make fucking awesome sure can go wrong but right now i'm guessing your life not going so well but hey who cares just pick yourself up and keep going enjoy what you have it not seem like a lot but you being there could make somebodys world complete so stick around....

I was clean then i did it again last night. I just cant get over the feeling of helplessness

I totally forgot about this site, i use to get on p&q all the time when i was 17, im 23 now. I've been through soo much since
Then and grown up allot. Its crazy that im posting anything because its been so long. I wish for anyone who feel great depth of sadness to seek professional help and or reach out to anyone because their are people who will listen. That being said, the guy i love for the past 5 yrs and broke up with just alittle over a year ago recently commited suicide. And looking back at what i use to write and thought about was sefish and dumb. I even had a poem about suicide, i was young talking about shit i thought i knew about and felt because i was immature. Actually experiencing loss of a love one hurts expecially when that person is one of a kind. Had so much potential. nobody derves hurt, but life brings us pain along with happiness we cannot just give up.

...

I guess all of us think of suicide as a way out but really it just causes more pain we think its over for us but really all we are doing are hurting the people around us..

Yes it does, broke my heart. Never realize how common suicide was til my personal experiences. So, wait it out for a better tomorrow and a chance to be happy.

Its new year fresh start hope its

I have wanted to cut for the past 2 weeks it's been had since my friend died and i can't deal with the pain anymore

Fight through the pain you can do it

Have you ever felt completely out of control?? There are only a select few who know I actively cut myself. One I talk to regularly about it ever since I thought one of my cuts were infected. At that time I had over 30 cuts healing at one time on my stomach. She only wanted one thing from me, to slow down and only cut again when everything was healed and with each cut, wait for the first cut to heal. I did that at first, but I feel so over whelmed that I just started cutting every day again. I feel like I can't stop. It is out of my control. Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

Yes i know how you feel its summer so i have to wait also it started with just waiting then doing tiny cuts everyday now its just cuts on cuts which hurts everytime you move i dont how to stop either and when ever i talk to people they just say stop it...

It hurts since he was more than my friend he was the man i loved with my whole heart he even replaced my first love!!! and i have cuts on my legs that tempt me to do more...

.

Awh i'm sooo sorry sweetie... if you need me i'm here girl! :)

I know how you feel gosh i hate him so much and that f**king b*tch can go to hell if she goes anywhere near me im going to f**king slap her so hard gosh f**k this sh*t

So, Ive been cutting a lot for a long time now. But today, I am proud to say that, it is the first time in over six months that I have no cuts healing! They are all scars right now and I am really making an effort to stop. :) I am very happy with myself right now. what I was doing had became an addiction, and a bad one at that. It is about time that I try and stop it.

I got a lot better....but things have a way of coming back. And at full force.