Winners! Monday October 15, 2012

Congrats people! Keep writing :)
These are the votes and comments from 4 judges.

Thanks judges for your cooperation! And members for your nominations.

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Winners:
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Zero Two Sixty Two Zero
by Jordan 10+10=20 points

Nature's Face
by Chelsey 7 +7= 14 points

Fix
by MyHalozChokinMe 4 +7 = 11 points
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HMS:
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Resurrection
by The Poetess 10 points

Night Thoughts
by One Man Clan 10 points

Autumn's Wander 7 points
by dollwithafrown

Iterated Patterns (Tanka) 4 points
by Meme

In Monochrome (chained senryu's)
by MeMe 4 points

Lost love
by Amreen 4 points

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COMMENTS:
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Zero Two Sixty Two Zero
by Jordan

Jordan, this piece was exquisite! A creative piece of poetry if I've ever read one. The word play here was just phenomenal, using words that are spelled similar, sound similar, really tricking the readers mind. That is talent and a fine piece of art if you ask me. I found this to be somewhat abstract with a hidden message in it. An inspiring message to really strive through hardships like the fish who are being attacked by the ocean, and the birds whose wings are ablaze and also being attacked by the ocean. I know you could have meant this poem to mean a thousand other things, but that is what I got out of it. Really a brilliant piece of writing you should be proud of. This poem screams "talented"- 10 points

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I like this unique style very much- I thought this piece was mind blowing and exciting. What is really unique about this poem is the creativeness that flows though out. The tongue twisting words made it fun... comes alive! The metaphoric tones were very exciting. The rhyming couplets at the end were a nice touch... This piece makes you think of how life is and can be.. up and down and all around, that's how I felt while ready this piece and I truly think this poem gave me a brain freeze! This truly rocked in my opinion!! Awesome... Awesome Piece Jordan- Deserves to be highlighted! - 10 points

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Nature's Face
by Chelsey

I am not a fan of nature poems as I think that most tend to end up being terribly cliche and unoriginal. This however, I really loved. I adore how the author gave the season a body to use personification throughout the piece.

Both imagery and flow were present in great detail and unfaltering and I really like the pictures this poem creates in the mind.

The closing was wrapped up wonderfully and really tied the whole thing together very well. I thought this whole poem was creative and beautifully described and this is definitely one of the better nature poems I have come across.-7 points

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Wow, this piece is excellent. The style is amazing and the voice is so clear. You painted a vivid, wonderful, intense piece. I really enjoyed all the detail and the word choice (which is phenomenal) I really like the creativity here as well as the way you conveyed the theme. Fantastic, job. - 7 points

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Fix
by MyHalozChokinMe

This a very sweet and heartfelt piece of writing, and it left me with the most content feeling after reading it. I enjoyed how the author states they were somewhat afraid to succumb to their feelings initally but finally decided to give them a chance, something very relateable for almost everyone I imagine.

I wasn't too keen on "Hyper and happy. ,Childish and dreamy, Hazy and full of fluff." I'm aware the author is attempting to describe just what love turns us into, but I think the word usage here takes away from the seriousness of the poem itself.

"I need another fix." I love this, it's always the case that when we fall in love we just can't get enough of the other person and I liked how the author compared wanting more of them to a "fix" so to speak.

I do think the last two lines would sound better if they were swapped around.- 4 points

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This piece made me feel so joyful reading about a love that makes the author feel this way. I loved almost the childlike tone to it with the phrases like: Hyper and happy, Childish and dreamy, Hazy and full of fluff. Such a cute ring to it while reading. Loved the ending and how you made love look like a meal that we indulge on, which in fact is a beautiful metaphor and true. Sometimes love looks unappetizing and scary to try and I like this metaphor here saying you tasted it, you liked it, you considered it your "fix". Which by the way was an awesome title, just one simple word that makes the reader question what kind of love poem this is going to be. Very creative and beautiful poem! -7 points

*******************************HMS

Resurrection
by The Poetess 1

I really liked this, as it was portrayed differently than the usual love poetry. I found it to hold such innocence and yet be remarkably sad at the same time.
I was fond of the ginger tea parties, I liked the author added their own flair instead of quoting tea parties alone and how they mention they hold love in their hands. It was unique.

The second stanza of this is my favourite as the author has managed to beautifully paint such lovely and detailed imagery within these lines and managed to keep the same sad tone throughout.

The 7th of September-is this referencing a special date to the author? It made me think something significant had happened here on this date and I wanted to know what that was.

Those closing lines are heartbreaking, so often we do forget how 'perfect' we once were for someone, usually when life gets in the way and we stop remembering why we fell in love in the first place. These lines really stood out to me and tied the poem together beautifully.

I'm not fond of the line we just died, I don't think it is needed as death is mentioned just beforehand.

I think the author did a magnificent job on this. 10 points

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Night Thoughts
by One Man Clan

This piece is amazing. I enjoy the way the voice shines through and the way the words dance eloquently into each other, creating a magnificent poem. The style is nice. I like how the emotion is everywhere and its clear and easy for us as readers to feel as well, yet it isnt overwhelming. Fantastic Piece-10 points

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Autumn's Wander
by dollwithafrown

This brought me back to the days of hunters in plaid shirts. Hunting in wee early dawn, a bunch of men drinking and stumbling around, deer hunters perhaps, ignoring the beauty of autumn..

I may be way off on my interpretation but I must say this poem left me speechless.. Truly a unique and creative nature piece! Loved it- 7 points

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Iterated Patterns (Tanka)
by Meme

The patterns of a love that has come and gone... This Tanka is uniquely crafted and really says allot more than meets the eye. Each time I've read this piece leaves me speechless.

It allowed me to feel from start to finish of a love walking closer and then leaving abruptly....

"One step at a time; then you're gone!"

I can't say enough about this poem, it left me feeling sadness and it's a very emotional piece!

Truly a remarkable Tanka! Very nice- 4 points

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In Monochrome (chained senryu's)
by MeMe

This chained senryu was perfect. Beautifully written, beautifully described, everything about it made me melt. Your opening stanza made me want to dive in and read more detail, and your ending stanza made me want more, made me wish it was longer. I loved the use of "burgundy" here, not a color we see mentioned often in poetry. Creates a very vivid image of a pink and purple sky reflecting off two lovers face. This was breathtaking to me. Well done Meme! -4 points

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Lost love
by Amreen

The voice here really made this piece worth reading and the details added a whole dimension to the piece as well. I love the style and the creativity. The analogies are excellent and the emotion is very vivid. Stunning, spectacular piece-4 points

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Ms Sunshine;
love and light XD

Seriously I'm a bit awestruck at the moment. I can't believe I won two weeks in a row. I'm very honored seriously that my poems are getting read and nominated and chosen.

Soooo shocked a nature poem won, mine at that. I think its kind of cool, I was always told to look outside my window and write what I see. I used my face appearance as I was having a bad day and combined it with what was outside of my window. And wah-la...I won...so crazyyyyyyy

Thanks again guys I really appreciate the attention I've gotten the past couple weeks.

Congrats to the winners on their amazing poems and congrats to the HM's as well.

Congrats winners, and thanks for the HM's.

And thanks to Nana and the judges for the time they give for this to be done :)

Congrats to all winners and HMs.

To whomever gave me those two 10's, thank you so much. I thought that this piece was a bit too inaccessible to be winning any contests, but I guess I was wrong!

I dunno if we're still doing poem meanings for winners in here, but I got you guys this in case you're curious!

Alright, so here's the best lo-down I can give you on this poem.

I've been listening to a lot of music by a band called Between the Buried and Me. A few of their songs concern the idea of astral projection. They have one song called 'Astral Body' and in the video there is a man floating in the air creating the earth. I've been toying with meditation here and there myself. I've written a few poems using this as influence - this being one of them.

"Movement;
straight up and down.
movement.
The sight of a mountaintop
through blurred lenses.
Ocean fights furiously,
thrashing against throngs of
innocent fish and coral communities.
Fish singing chorales;
Songs of moral
to boost coral morale."

This poem started off with me closing my eyes and briefly imagining myself flying at inexplicably high speeds above mountains and oceans. I decided to write about it. The first stanza covers this whole idea - flying above the mountains and ocean. The fish and coral come in because...well they fit...and because nature always has a bit of an influence on my work.
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"One side
burning up
and back again to that
mountaintop.

Wings. A flurry.
Wings ablaze.
One side
burning up."

The speed of my flight causes a bit of trouble...
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"Amazed but never phased
trace crazed mazes
back through grooves
in the ocean floor.

Amazed but never phased
crazed wings trace paths
through a blazing maze.
Grooves in waterlogged graves."

The maze sort of just popped up as a form of stream-of-consciousness writing. I really liked how the whole "Fish singing chorales; Songs of moral to boost coral morale," turned out, so I decided to juxtapose as many similar sounding words as I could. Thus the rest of it sort of fell into place while I was deciding how to make the rhyme/rhythm/wordplay work. It also works with the rest of the poem. I'll explain why in a second.
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"Mountain or rooftop?
Ocean floor?
Moldy bathtub?
Groovy graves."

This is where I stop.

When we're flying above these mountains, we need to come back at some point. Otherwise we might get lost in these amazing thoughts. Are we really in the air? Are we really looking out over the ocean?

Now head back to the last two stanzas. "Amazed but never phased" means that we have a good grasp on reality, or at least we're trying to keep it. We trace the mazes backwards to remember where we are rather than where we'd like to be.

But then we trace a blazing maze back. It's dangerous and could lead to a waterlogged grave in a false ocean.

"Don't catch the craze,
your brain's a maze."

The couplet at the end is a closing reminder that you must always keep things in check. For if you don't you might find yourself in a grave - be it death or an impenetrable psychological state. Also, it's a bit of a joke poking fun at the content of the poem itself as it's very ridiculous in nature and potentially difficult to read.

'Zero Two Sixty Two Zero' is a play on 0-60 (ie the main measure used in automotive speed tests). When I read it back to myself, I found that the pace of the poem goes from 0-60 in such a short amount of time but you may constantly find yourself coming to a crashing halt during your read to try and figure out just what in the hell you're reading (thus going 60-0).

Congrats winners and HM's

Congrats winners and HMs. Thanks for considering my piece..:)

Judges...can you please check for grammar...including the titles before you vote...

Congrats winners

enjoy your week in the spotlight :)

Chels you look good up there again!!!

Just curious Hellon, what's that a reference to?

Nothing to do wih your poem Jordan....Loved it BTW...I have some questions for you however (on the side) ....let me check and get back ok?

Chelsey's poem well...the title isn't grammatically correct...Natures Face should be...Nature's Face and...

whose rustling weeps on their own

^^^ well I'm not sure but I do think it should be...rustlings weep?

----------------

It took me awhile to swallow
you whole but once I could taste
it on my tongue it was easy and
the feeling just slipped
right down.

Then, all at once
emotions came calling
and my mind was gone
and all I can do is
feel high and giddy

Past tense in the first stanza...and in the second two lines of the second one then it jumps to present in this line...

and all I can do is

Picky..yes I know but...these poems are meant to represent the best of the best on this site....

*Edit...guess I'll just ask you here Jordan..good a place as any I guess ...in your poem...why did you see the fish as innocent?

"Then, all at once
emotions came calling
and my mind was gone
and all I can do is
feel high and giddy"

All I can say is that perhaps it was meant to be something like "and now all I can do is...."

This is poetry. Improper use of syntax is something that I would easily let slide if I thought the theme and overall presentation of the piece were good enough. One of the best things about poetry is that we can play with and bend the rules of our language at will to suit our needs. Perhaps you don't like this style, but art is subjective and that's that.

As for the spelling errors, I wouldn't necessarily allow it to affect my judgement, but I would certainly make mention of it in my critique.

"in your poem...why did you see the fish as innocent?"

Because they're a low life form. I automatically see anything that is not a fully developed human adult as being at least relatively innocent. Also I thought that it contrasted nicely with the raging ocean.

Lol as much as I agree with you Hellon, its no longer fun to win anymore.....always something wrong with someones poem...best of the best..what is that really? Well known, famous poets didn't capitalize there I's, didn't use correct punctuation and they got published and became incredibly admired....I almost feel like encouraging people not to nominate my poetry. Because I'm sure there will always be some type of typo. I'm 21. Still learning, still growing, sometimes type on my phone, sometimes overlook words, which make my poems unfit to win really.. thank you for your consideration guys but really, I don't deserve to be up there.

Congrats to the winners, and Jordan thank you for the explanation.

Chels, that's crazy talk!

Jordan...

Because they're a low life form. I automatically see anything that is not a fully developed human adult as being at least relatively innocent. Also I thought that it contrasted nicely with the raging ocean.

^^^^

Yes the contrast with the ocean is nice I agree...but Low life form?....what about dolphins....they're very intelligent I believe...

http://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/life/zoology/marine-life/dolphin-disarm-sea-mine1.htm

Yeah..I know they are mammals but...they are still in the oean so...I'm classing them as fish...

There is much prejudice in this contest. I am sure the judges are from North America since all three are from there. This is so annoying. Totally unfair. There are even no kite runners there :S

LOL, I'm just jokinnnnn.
Congrats, WINNERS. Congrats, HMs.
There were some awesome stuff this weak.
And.. Viva, judges because you give us your time. Also, Nana, kisses :)

Ok...LP...I'm supposed to do the funny stuff.....you are the straight guy...did you forget our roles?
Looooooove the sarcasm :)!!!!!

PS...I see Janis is signed in so...hit him up guys....I'm going to watch Big Brother!

"Yeah..I know they are mammals but...they are still in the ocean so...I'm classing them as fish..."

Now you're just making up your own rules.

^^^^

What rules Jordan...they swim in the ocean...isn't that a fact?

Anyway

I really don't want this to end up in an argument... but...I can see it heading that way and...honestly I don't know why...I really liked your poem..loved all the words that sounded similar...you had very good word play throughout...Yeah...I enjoyed it..you posted your own interpretation of the poem and...I just asked one question because I seen it differently....so I asked...that was all...poet to poet..or so I thought?

I thought the mention of the fish as innocent was because they might get easily lured into a hook...

Just like a child... Innocent
They can be lure if parents don't advice them to not listen to strangers.

Yeah, you're the funny one. But when I didn't see any fun of you in here, I thought I would have your shift this time ;)

Hellon, I answered your question. I'm not sure why you think we're in an argument but I assure you that we're not. Lol

Anyway, I said fish, not dolphins. Isn't that enough info? XD

"I thought the mention of the fish as innocent was because they might get easily lured into a hook..."

That works, too. Haha! Go reader interpretations! I'll tell you though, I really didn't have any specific use for the term 'innocent' beyond what I said above. Unless it was subconscious....

Lol aboudie hehe :P kisses back