Priest Joke

A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest,"Bless me, father, forIi have sinned. I was with seven different women last night".

The priest is silent for a moment, then says "Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp."

"And I'll be forgiven?" asks the man.

“No," replies the priest, "But it will take that stinkin’ smirk off your face."

lol *!~NightTears~!* umm heres a joke my pastor told me:
how do you get a nun pregnant?
dress her up as a choir boy

and while im on the subject of catholic bashing

whats the definition of suspicion? (sp)
a nun doing press ups in a cucumber field

lmao

a man walks up to a priest and says forgive me father for i have sinned i thought of a woman naked. the priest replies go drink some holy water and you will be forgiven so the man goes happily on his way. later a second man walks up to the priest and says forgive me father for i have sinned i slept with another woman. the priest tells him to go and drink holy water also and he will be forgiven. later still a third man walks up to the priest and says father i have a confession to make........ i peed in the holy water.

old i no

hahahahahahaha

Those are all good. I have a joke. I hope no one takes offense to it.

A bus crashes with 100 nuns in it. Every one of those nuns die. At the gates of the heavens, they are being tested to see if they are worthy of heaven. One at a time, they go, and they are being questioned. One of those questions were "have you ever touched a penis." Being nuns, they arn't supposed to. First nun sais "Deer God, absolutely not!" and she is directed to heaven. Second nun gets a bit nervous and sais "Well I touched one once with the tip of my finger." The guy asking the questions sais "No problem. Dip your finger in this holy water, and be on your way to the promised land." So she does this. A third nun claims she gave a guy a hand job. Same thing. She diped her hand in the holy water, and proceded to heaven. But then a big fight broke out in the croud of nuns. "Sisters! Sisters! What seems to be the problem?" A nun shouts from the bunch "I want to gargle that stuff before sister Mary sticks her ass in it!"

Work or Play?

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, " My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a Lutheran minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. "Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath."

Still not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, " My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?" The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."

I have a priet joke.

What's the difference between priest balls and Christmas balls?

There just for decoration.