Comment masterclass.

Hey guys and dolls. So like after my 100000th crap comment. I thought i'd ask you fine people to post one of the most thought provoking comments you've ever recieved for a piece of your work[ if you can find them quick enough to bother!]

It might even show a few folks what a proper well though out comment looks like.

Here's mine.

"(*?.LucIfeR.?*) ( F P C D ) at 2004-09-11

I think somehow you're trying to give hope to your friend to continue a brighter life...She's not the only one to go through the hidden pains that you've mentioned which are described through these lines..."to be parting
such a cage as others desire
burning as you walk the wire
let it go as it does flow"...
The second last line is sort of an advise to nurse old wounds while the concluding one is a brilliant pathway towards what everyone seeks for...To be more accurate, what I seek for...Plz let me know what you thought of my interpretation...
It was pleasure reading your comment and I was feeling nice knowing that I was not the only one dark-bathed...My pleasure went for the sky when I saw your thought provoking works...Keep writing...Take care...Keep smiling...Peace to you...
Sincerely...
Vladimir... "

Now thats how you do it.

i just got this comment today, and my i've never had or seen such a heartfelt comment. thanx chelsey, that was amazing

Chelsey ( F P C D ) at 2005-11-11

*tear*..I've never cried so hard reading a poem that I have this one (not even harder then poems written for me)..I am in awe..I just...i don't know what to say...This poem was written EXTREMELY WELL for one..not one thing that needs to be critiqued, but for two, the message of this poem is just...is there even a word for this?! In my heart I have so much I want to say about this poem but I can't find the words. I just want to tell you that you've deeply touched me. You inspired me and motivated me to go out and help others. The Lord truly has gifted you. I see you are not taking that for granted and neither am I. tonight I Will pray for this poem. I will pray that many read it and understand the message your saying in it. I'll pray it will be on the top rated list with 200 comments. People need to read this and be touched like I am. If not, know that you have touched a 14 year old. I loved this poem, you are a terrific poet! 5/5
Kind Regards,
~Chelsey~

bob shank ( F P C D ) at 2005-07-15

what a lovely thought provoking poem of nursing rhyme quality, surely a classic and as a lover of elves myself, I'd like to take this time to give a ^5 to all the little people....very nice....peace

comment on' Elves'

There is a circle of like 20 people that give good comments, if I see that a comment isnt from one of those people, I pretty much count on it offering nothing constructive.

Most people comment to get a comment or a vote back. Especially if they announce their vote (wink, wink, nudge, nudge- pass the pleasure around).

Kevin, Michael, Bret, Bob, etcetera. Good commenters. You all get 5's in my book ;)

Michael D Nalley ( F P C D ) at 2005-10-02

The poem seems to reflect a common feeling that God was created by man rather than man was created by God. Sadly from the history of religion it is not hard to see why many cannot distinguish between God and religion It seems that some religions are a belief system that crucifies God your poem has many paradoxes that are thought provoking and does not prmote hate so I WILL GIVE IT A 5

[ Complain ] [ Praise ]
On my poem God?

Bob Shank ( F P C D ) at 2005-10-15

Each skin tone a different color
waxed different for a reason
Filled with choice of beauty
the ability to blend with others

a world of color and mixing
God's crayolas making diversity
our world of his creativity
his coloring book of eternity

^something I've believed in my whole life, I wish the "world" could understand the very concept of this poem, sadly they never will, great message and keep up the good work, BTW you are an outstanding group member....peace

[ Complain ] [ Praise ]

JJ ( F P C D ) at 2005-10-07

Beautiful job! What more can I say...you have a very creative imagination. This is my favorite stanza:

A beauty running freely
joined by other colts and mares
All different shades running together
blending smoothly in one picture

You really outdid yourself...never in a million years would I come up with anything as creative as this. Keep up the good work and never stop writing.

[ Complain ] [ Praise ]

bob shank ( F P C D ) at 2005-08-23

Expression, sharing, growing, and finally freedom ....you are quickly discovering the truth behind the very essence of poetry.....it's refreshing, and I love your enthusiasm, keep it up here and in the club.....peace

[ Complain ] [ Praise ]

~the first two are about my poem Coloring Eternity the second one was from Poetry. Bob’s comments mean a lot to me just because he’s such an inspiration so his comments are always a delight. JJ, ElegantlyWasted, Katie!, HOLLY ARMER, and Ann *Stareyes* all give wonderful comments though.

~Jacklyn

Gary Jurechka ( F P C ) at 2005-11-11

This is great, Holly, I was really touched by the emotion you convey so effortlessly.The metaphor is fantastic,the rhyme scheme blends into the flow of the read so smoothly.A truly beautiful expression of love.The title seems fine-I might suggest using something like "In The Eye Of The Storm' or a variation on that, just a suggestion, for your tiitle is good.

*Weathering Love's Storm

© ZyPhReX ® ( F P C D ) at 2005-10-31

The past...if we let it can make us or break us. I know its not simple...as nothing that is great in life and is worth attaining is, but keep your spirits up and try not to dwell on it. Very well written by the way. You chose not to use very many words, but the ones you did use wound up being more than enough to give foundation to this masterpiece.. Whether true or not...I do not know...but it seems as if you have lost a dear relationship on one level or another. I do hope that when its all said and done, all comes forth for the better. Do take care, and have a great evening.

Without Wax,
-Zy

*Lost In Tragic Thoughts

Cory Mastrandrea ( F C D ) at 2005-08-23

It was great up to the last line. I thought the last line was just too damn cliche.

*Poetic Destiny

Chris Walker ( F P C D ) at 2005-06-24

Well done, Holly.

I'm always interested in reading different styles and methods of writing. Not only do I think they help reinforce structure and concise substance - they can also pull you out of a slump! Or at least it did for me (i.e. the nonet)!

Regardless, you've taken the simple element of desired love, given it a firm structure, and performed it well.

My absolute, favorite line:

"Divulging my innermost soul"

Those four words communicate such a powerful message. It's not as if you're simply "sharing" your soul. You are "divulging" with conviction and power! It demonstrates just how effective diction can be.

The only thing I recommend taking a look at is line three of the final stanza: "Wandering through eternity." Although a very pretty line I just don't feel it matches the other three lines thematically. It doesn't bridge the gap to bring me into the closing line, if you know what I mean.

Aside from that, though, a beautiful poem and an excellent demonstration of a quatern. I enjoyed it.

*Tread Lightly....(Quatern)

It'll be obvious why I chose most of these. But the one you'll probably wonder about is Cory's comment. I love his honesty. I think that if you don't like my poetry you should tell me. How else will I grow as a writer.

Maybe we can start a website movement to "educate" people when they leave lazy comments on our poems. Actually, score that, lets be positive with another idea.

I don't mean voting on comments, that would be silly..but i don't know...i'm not usually in favour of badges of awards for merit, but when it comes to comments, i think recognition of ones efforts in helping the rest of the commnuity along with really well thought out feedback would be worthwhile.

This in theory could happen quite easily with the "praise/complain" function being used to actually reward people. There would have to be some kind of safeguard against people bigging each other up just to get the award....but yeah...what think you all?

Bob Shank ( F P C D ) at 2005-11-12

A terrific write indeed and well deserving as top poem, I thoroughly enjoyed this, and you have come so far since joining the site...great work, keep it up.....peace

Pitter pattering of the eyes,
Crying for a dying heart.
Posture broken down,
Emotionally torn apart

I would have used pitter patter, instead of the ing....

This is my favourite comment so far, because this was actually the first poem Bob has commented on. You have no idea how good I felt about my writing after reading this.

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

(*�.LucIfeR.�*) ( F P C D ) at 2004-09-25

Thanks for this exquisite piece...I hope it was not abt me!!! I'm into dark abyss too...But not for pride...And I can't express the reason...The concept of this character Lucifer that you've portrayed is much debated...And further conversation may lead to immense argumentation...For the time being, let's say there are different points of views...Take care...Keep smiling...Peace and love to you and thanks again for this masterpiece...
Sincerely...
Vlad...
lucifer was commenting on my poem Fallen Angel

Chris Walker´s comment on my poem, "The River"

It contains everything a comment should contain

See for yourself:

I think this is a good start but far from finished. For starters, I think you're capable of moving past the four lines - space - four lines - space - etc. format of poetry. It doesn't serve this theme at all.

Second, you should consider being more concise. The imagery and visuals are beautiful - don't get me wrong. Your metaphors are on par but you drag it out too long, too much.

...

I just went back and read it again to see if I honestly support that last statement and I still do. The progression of the story is necessary and each stanza is incredibly strong - but something feels off. And I don't know if you just need to merge stanzas or break the poem into sections (i.e. part I, II, etc.). All I do know is something needs to change, in my opinion.

Also, I do not like the very first line. It feels very basic and obvious. You should honestly consider trying out a phrase or sentence or wording it in a way that no one has seen before.

Honestly, this poem has the potential to be great. The metaphors (love, romance, water, motion, sex) are strong and some of them seriously jump out of the screen:

"At first, I dared not swim in you,
as your swiftness surpassed my skill.
But in time you became more temperate,
and you adjusted your speed to me."

That is borderline brilliance. Some of the nicest lines I've ever read. I've never seen, "Slow down, I'm going to bust a nut. Okay, thanks" written so eloquently.

This poem could seriously be incredible. I just feel the structure and the way it is presented need to be strengthened. Make it flawless, man.

Hope this was helpful.

Wow, Chris Walker wins it.

Indeed that is the best comment i've ever read, thanks for posting that beauty.

I think Chris has shown the way forward, though of course not every comment can be like that as no every poem inspires such reactions...but we can all try harder.