MEATBALLS! :)

Oh my gosh!! That'd be amazing!!

whooooot! lol!!

I'll try not to get my hopes up though.

School itself is....okay I guess..not THRILLING....definitely NOT..but i'm going into my second week of school tomorrow...ay ay ay.

lol!

And yes...XD is a huge smiley face! lol!! SILLY NANNER!

lol!!!!!!!!!

No..I have an appointment to get my hair dyed though..should be cool. I'll call you and let you know about it.

But did you find out if I was able to call long distance for free on weekends and weeknights??

Because I don't want to do it again if it costs money, but I just wanna know if it would be permitted.

oooooh....big word.
lol! I"M SO FUNKY!

I just saw the cutest, funniest movie ever--Hoodwinked.

awwwwww, lol!! You guys should go see it. It made me giggle.
lol!
LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Just let me know when your spring break is and I'll do my best and check into some nice places around there that you might like. Besides since you have went through so much you need a vacation with Nana and Papa alone we think.

Anyway, as far as the phone call tell me exactly where she lives City and State and her phone number so I can find out what is going on. It was my understanding you could call unless that is an area not served by certain cell towers so get me the information and I'll try to get it fixed.

I would keep under wraps with everyone else about us taking you on Spring Break because I have a feeling Mom would say no and I'm not asking you to lie just keep it to yourself. OTAY?
I LOVE YOU! NANA (you can email me Carlee's info at ggourworld@charter.net

hey guysies!!
what colour u doin ya hair sisi??????????????????????????

OMG have u got my letter yet? My stepdad ses he posted BOTH of them, is he lying?!!!!!11 LOL or maybe the mail man really DID take it, lol, it had a face pack in one of them, u no, those face mask thingys??? LOL maybe he needed one, ya never know!!! :P
x
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHA!!!!!!

I got your letter today right after i came home from school.
IT ROCKED!!!!! ahahahahahahaha

the first thing i saw was that face mask thing and i started like CRYING from laughter..

I'm on the second page of your letter, but I stopped to let you know I got it, becuse i had a feeling you were prolly getting frustrated!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh god..this is too good. lol!

Nana,...i'll leave Carlee to give you her info...
:-P

or i'll do it later..kinda sorta busy..

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

Hey alla you.
Ive had such an awful few days, im trying to get on top if things but its so hard sometimes. I haven’t told anyone what happened, I really wanna talk cause its driving me insane and I need someone to tell me that its NOT me and its NOT my fault and its got NOTHING to do with whats wrong with ME, but im terrified that actually……..it does have everything to do with me and it IS my fault. *cries*
Sisi do u remember when I mentioned that I have to move schools? Well, I was talking about it with my parents last night and we came to some conclusions that MAYBE just MAYBE I could stay and we thought of lots of ways that I could. One of these ways was if my DAD paid for about 2 thousand of the school fees a year. Which will help, and seeing as he has never paid for anything in my entire life I think it would be a reasonable thing to have asked right?? So anyway, Mum decided to call him, and put him on loudspeaker so that me and my stepdad could hear whether he was willing to pay or not. I had doubts in my mind I must admit. Anyway, turns out he didn’t know that he was on speakerphone and the convo went like this,
“Hello Mike its Chrssie,”
“Oh hello! Can I help you with something?”
“Its concerning your daughter,”
“ok…”
“She has been at kent college for a number of years as you know…”
“yes…”
“and she would like to continue her education there in the 6th form but the problem is it is too expensive for me and Martin to afford, and Georgie has her ehart set on staying and wold really appreciate it if you could find 2, 000 a year for her education,…..you have to start SOMEWHERE don’t you Mike,”
“Her education/ I haven’t paid for anything in her life and now you suddenly want me to pay for her education?????”
“its not unreasonable is it Mike?”
“I hardly have anything to do with that girl Chris, I don’t know her I don’t see her why on EARTH would I pay for her education when I have nothing whatsoever to do with her? You know what happened last time you asked for money Chris, you remember what I said? Well I still mean that so I wouldn’t push it.”

(last time mum asked for money he told her that if she took him to court and MADE him pay for things in my life, he would NEVER see me ever again and would leave me life completely.)

“You’re her FATHER mike” (shouting starts)
*mum picks up phone and takes of loudspeaker*
Mums convo went like this……..
“How DARE YOU you havent paid for anything in her life……….blah blah blah………………….WHAT?? she looks up o you Mike she respects and loves you more than anything in the world and you talk about her as if she doesn’t exist you’re a nasty man Mike, your so nasty you are an evil man I cant BELIEVE ur the father of my daughter”
And mum hung up.

Left me sittin with my stepdad…who had TEARS in his eyes….i felt TOTALLY numb. I still do, I cant believe he said that. He has nothing to do with me. Doesn’t want to pay for me, doesn’t want to know me.

*SCREAMS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love him, and i hate him and i want to HURT him like he hurt me but i CANT because i love him so much and i can scream n shout about it all i want but he aint ever gonna notice.

*tear*

~signing off.
Geo

Georgi I am so sorry you're having to go through this. Don't ever think it is your fault though because some parents have NO maternal instincts and don't know how to parent. I've had 38 Foster Kids and adopted my son so I have seen first hand how hard it is on kids. It is never easy but you are a brilliant beautiful girl and if he doesn't want to help you it just shows how selfish he is. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! I love you doll and if you need to talk just email me. Love Nala

Hi SiSi, sweetie, just wanted to let you know I talked with the phone company and as far as they are concerned Colorado is covered. It is covered in US but not outside so if there is something I don't know about where she lives you need to let me know.

I checked with work and I CANNOT get off spring break because we have two people that has kids that are taking off so I have to be there. After all I have been out a whole lot lately with Ellen and my surgeries. I am so sorry about that because we were looking forward to that.

ALSO, when I talked with the phone company I signed you up with text and this month is unlimited but after this month you are limited to 200 texts. Please make sure to stay under that as it goes up a great deal. That way you can stay in touch with your friends.l I love you and I am trying to make things easier on you. LOVE NANA

Geo...I really, REALLY think that you should talk to my Nana. She knows what she's talking about and she knows the terrible side of parenting through experience, although I personally think it was never her own....

Your father.....he just PROVED himself to be the bad, evil, nasty man you wondered about..but had no evidence....now you know....and I think, as painful as this might sound, to just THINK about it....THINK CLEARLY and don't let your emotions sway you to rash decisions. I think you should think about it BECAUSE for these reasons...
1) if you think about it in a healthy way....you not only will get all your frustration out or your feelings or idk what your bottling up and i can't even try to pretend like I do....but i know that if you just do something to get it out, the better off you'll be and the farther away from an emotional breakdown you'll be.
2) I think that you're a very , VERY brilliant girl. I think that if you set your mind to something, you're going to be able to do it....and i think that if YOU set your mind to realize the nonexistant role your father plays in your life, the faster you'll be able to recooperate from leaning on something that was never there...

I"m so sorry to say that he has let you down, but i know he's let me down too....

He's quite frankly pissed me off....
I'm here for you though, Geo......i promise..it'll be okay.

What a ____ing ***hole!

ERRRRG!!!!
Love you nana...thanks for being here for her....and for anyone...

you're really amazing!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Geo...

I could simply write a novel about this subject. Have you ever heard "Confessions of a Broken Heart"? It's a song by Lindsay Lohan (you have heard of her, right?) Anyway, it's all about how this dad lets his daughter down and how she doesn't understand why he is the way he is, and girl, when I heard it, it just hit home. Well, anyway, here are some of the lyrics :

I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
A family in crisis that only grows older

I dream of another you
The one who would never (never)
Leave me alone to pick up the pieces
A daddy to hold me, that's what I needed

Now, look, I know that your situation is so much different. My dad abused my mom, he made us leave when I was just so small... maybe three years old. I visited him every once in a while until i was about five, then it just stopped. Eleven years of not wanting anything at all to do with me, and damnit, it hurts. TO think that he, a part of me, doesn't want to be a part of me, hurts. He's never ever paid child support, he doesn't call doesn't write doesn't visit EVER. I am nothing to him. And there are SO many unanswered questions, but the main one is WHY? Why can't he just... he's a father. That comes with responsibility, and he just ran from it.

Which brings me to you. Your pop... well, what he did was heartless. It was cruel. And unfortunately, guys can be total assholes like that.

We, my dear, are beautiful. It took me so long to figure that out, and I don't want you to debate that. Listen to me when I say this:

This is not your fault. It isn't you. You are beautiful, you are perfect, and the entirety of fault is your father's. You're absolutely brilliant, and I know that you can see what I'm going to say to you... Your dad is a selfish selfish man. To maintain contact with you... and then tell you that you're not worth the money... well, frankly, that's worse than my situation, wehre i don't get anything at all. I'd rather sever all ties.

You love your dad. And he loves you, or must a little, in order to keep this contact with you. I don't want you to think this is your fault, though, ok, love? It's a disappointment. Life, God, it's so full of them. And all you can do is KNOW its beneath you. And KNOW that you deserve so much better.

In this case, knowledge is power. I'm sorry he's let you down, but Geo, know that we are here for you. And you have a mom and stepdad that love you! I have the same thing... and even if you don't get to stay at your school, know that you are loved.

Love living or live loving, it's all the same. But know this: Life only comes this ONE time. Don't linger on regret or what ifs... you're brilliant. He's not. To miss out on you is just idiotic. And my last words of advice? You aren't living for him. You are living for YOU. He can't change who you are, and I know you'll get through this. If there's ANYTHING you need to talk about, please let me know.

Thanks for being so brilliant.

Car

Hey carlee, and sisi, and nana, omg, I cant believe how much you guys had to say on the subject. I cant thank you enough omg that almost made me cry I am SO lucky to have friends like you, seriously sisi ur the best friend in the world and so are you carlee and seriously u being there for me means more to me than anything or anyone in the world.
Sisi, I know that your right, I know that my Dad is selfish sometimes and I know that I should forget abouthim, and learn to move on right? But its harder than that, and I know you know that, too. I love him but I agree with you that I shouldn’t waste my time hanging on to tomsething that isn’t there. Right? Sisi don’t be angry at him, I know that you care about me but really, I can be angry for both of yus! But I understand why ur angry, and I know that you are lookin out 4 me, but it aint his fault ENTIRELY, its mine, too.
Carlee, yes I have heard that song and it makes me cry everytime I listen to it. I know ur in a similar situation to me, and that’s kinda comforting to know that I can talk to you and you can relate. Ssisi is also in the same situ, although I know for a fact her dad loves her. Mine loves me, too. He just has a hard time showing it.
I have so much more to say to u guys, and I will, but for now the bells gone and I have to go!

I LOVE U ALL SO MUCH

SO SOSO MUCH

~Georgi

No problem hunny bun!!!!

I just hope that you're going to be okay....I hope that youll do the same thing everyone in this situation has done and HANG IN THERE....even though its hard and even though most times you may feel like giving up...we make it through TOGETHER!

Have any of you guys seen Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?? It kinda reminds me of us....kinda sorta...lol!!!!

Please forgive me for being mad at your dad...I'm not MAD persay..just really disappointed in him...VERY...and i don't have to forgive him for anything....

Love you guyss!!!!

Heya peoooooooople!!!!!!!!!!! :):)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ONE GIRL IN MY FORM IS DRIVING ME EFFING INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHQWAVMSLKDJFLJHFJKQWHFEHFJKVSDIOFEIOFQACSZXIOP;EQFAKL;adsfkjhrhjkfdnvcuijkhregfduvihrgjfvucikjfesfkwjigesrioJKEAUIORTEIEHJFESYHIOHJKESNJKFDSHIORGBNJKJKHJKL;HRGSJKLHWEHJKL;FESEFGIJL'

hahahhwqhqasjjweHJDSUIFES89HJFDSNKJKFAJKSFDJKSJKDKJKJKDSJKDASJKDSJKDASJKDSJKDSJKJKDASJDASJK94TNM,CXVNM,VCXNM,VCXNMVCXMNM,CVNM,CXLP'DASLP'DASLASD;L;DASL;SDAL;ASL;L;ASL;'DASL;DASL;DASREITUIUIOREE
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KLASL;DASMXVCNJWEIWAOP[O[QWMLAS'A
JDAHJDASHUFAUIO4905609645OP[RKL;M,.A ,ASDNM NBMa

My love...weren't you ALREADY insane???

lol!!!

sorry, it just PEES me off when people are so FAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like Bridget for instance, FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE!!!!!!!!

ahhh i hate living like this, im seriously holding on to life by a THREAD and one tiny thing, one thing, and its gonna snap, and i'll be gone. i cant live knowing tht it terrifies me
*tears*

Georgi I am so sorry things are hard for you and I wish I could do more than just pray for you but I want you to understand something. I have had 3 brothers that committed suicide and it was so hard for my family to get through that. My family always thought I would because of the abusive husband I had but I would never have left my kids in a world I couldn't handle or do that to my family. My youngest brother was 29 years old with three kids when he did it. I prayed through the years it would not start with our kids because although I do not believe it is heritary I believe it is something another troubled family member looks at and does it.

It had been 30 years and I thought it was over and January 1st of this year my nephew's daughter killed herself. She was 28 years old and beautiful and life was going great for her except her boyfriend didn't ask her to marry her Xmas after them living together for 3 years. He was cautious because he had been through a divorce and had an 8 year old son. She had been to a New Years Eve party and had been drinking and went home and killed herself. My brother that committed suicide first was this nephew's dad so he has had to live with his dad killing himself and his daughter doing it.

I cannot stress enough that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Like my niece she didn't have the insight to understand that in a few months he had planned on doing it or if it didn't work out she had her whole life ahead of her and could have found so much happiness. I was 50 years old when I married my husband who is the best thing in the world to me and God knows I've went through more troubles than you could have imagined starting with my mom dying when I was 10 years old. I have always seen the good in the situations though and come out stronger for it but this with my niece brought me back to 30 years ago and it all being a nightmare and it has caused me to go all to pieces and have nightmares trying to stop and getting close and not so I haven't worked all week.

Life goes on if you give up for everyone around you and the people creating the problems rarely see they created them so you've wasted your life for nothing.

There is a God Georgi and like I've told SiSi so many times I live for the day the two of you can REALLY get a place together and I get to come visit you guys and party with you. You're so close to being on your own and so many of your problems will disappear so look that "THIS TOO SHALL PASS" and know that brighter days are ahead. I love you and I'm here if you want to talk to me. Love Nana

Oh, Nana is so wise, so so so so wise...

Geo, there aren't words. I'm begging you, I really am - don't do this. I've lived enough nights wondering if I'll wake up and my friend will be gone the next day. Geo, I've handled this before. I've talked people out of this before, but this MATTERS. Your life matters. And I love when Nana says that this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I love you... so much. If you left, our lives would go on. Not happily, not easily, but life goes on. And you're just causing more pain if you leave, Geo. I'm afraid... I'm afraid what Si si would do. She'd lose her mind... you're so important to us, to all of us.

I am here for you. Call me if you want, I'm willing to pay the price for you. I can't stand to see you in so much pain, but honey, bright times are ahead. You have to hit bottom before you can go up - and God, I want you to go up. I'm praying for oyu, love.

I love you. Hon, get busy living. Because if I die tomorrow in some freak accident, I want it to be God's will - not my own. No one knows what could be in the next minute - so don't waste life on death. Remember this: You aren't living for anyone else. You are living for YOU.

Girl, I know what it's like in your situation, and it isn't worth it. The cutting, the suicidal thoughts - they aren't worth it. You are brilliant and beautiful and STRONG. I KNOW you can get through this - And we're ALWAYS here to help.

I love you, we love you. Never ever forget that.

Car

Geo...I don't think you get the slightest notion of how much you mean to me...at all....

And its not FAIR that I can depend on you so much, but I do....youre my bestest friend EVER...and losing that....losing you...I would have something so small, that there would be little worth fighting for.
But I love you so much. I want more than anything to be your best friend, to be your shoulder to cry on, but I can't take much more of all these suicidal thoughts.
Darling, I understand what you're going through is VERY hard....I can't even imagine...
I just know that you can't blame yourself for anything that goes on...meaning you can't punish yourself for something that is out of your control. Don't fight it. You're wearing yourself out and scaring the hell out of me.

I can't even sleep, being scared for you.

I've had nightmares for the past like..month...my eyes are heavy from the lack of sleep as it is...but still...every night i've managed to get SOMETHING from my sleep, but there was still that fear in my dreams....I would hate waking up from a nightmare to hearing something happened to you.

I'm not even kidding. I would LOSE my mind. I would go insane, and I would just......

Be empty...

What you're doing reflects onto me ten times worse. YOU may feel helpless here, but WE, you and me and Car and nana, WE are all in THIS together. Knowing that we're so close and I still just can't snap you back to reality and show you that there is more to life than THIS CRAP you're going through becomes more of a challenge each time. I feel vulnerable...not being able to make you happier or open your eyes to any of it...but you just have to have faith that its THERE...its not as far out of reach as you think...its THERE, Geo.
And i"m over here.
And I'm praying, crying, shaking in fear that you'll be okay.
Don't expect me to sleep much tonight or any other night things like this happen.

As much as I like being included in your life, being there for you, to prove my love for you, it doesn't change the fact I'm scared of what you're doing to yourself. Why you??

Why can't you just be venting to me? Why can't you just be complaining like everyone else and just get it all out instead of resorting to cutting and suicidal tendencies..
I thought we've been over this about a million times...

But you know....
I wish I could stop you...i wish with all my heart these words were enough to stop you, but deep down I know......

I'm absolutely POWERLESS to what you're going to do. And my words probably mean very little to you,...but i'm willing to accept that....

I just lose control when you lose control...so please, Geo...hold it together.

When one person breaks, we all fall apart. Its the way it goes, its the way it is.

I love you so much Geo......

Please, oh god, PLEASE be okay......

Nana, Car, Sisi,
Omg
I write like ONE sentence and an hour later your ALL here for me, its madness i cant get my head round it no one has ever given me that much advice, taken that much time out of their lives to help ME. But i appreciate it more than u would ever imagine.

Car and Sisi, trust me, i aint going anywhere any time soon i swear. I am not planning on leaving you, any of you, behind. No way. Id never do that, sometimes yeh it crosses my mind, but sisi u are so far away from me and so hurt inside that i go through in my mind how you would find out if anything happened, and i cant imagine what you would do i cant picture it, but i know that ur so far away from me and you'd put part of the blame on urself and hurt inside u even more and i try n take that pain away every single day for you, killing MYSELF would make ur pain bigger, and that is the last thing on earth i want to do.
Id do anything for any of you, really.

Im holding on, im not going to give up & you can hold me to that. Im terrified, yes, absolutely terrified of getting hurt any more than i am, which is why i said that ONE more tear, one more reason to cry, and id probably consider suicide more than usual, but that doesnt mean i'll go through with it, im not brave enough, and im not selfish enough.

You all mean the world to me, and i know how I'D feel if anything ever happened to you, but noone would understand apart from me and id feel so alone and so empty, like u said sisi, and i wouldnt know what to do so im NOT about to do that to you or car or nana i promise. Trust me.

I have thoughts of suicide, and i cut, yes, but thats because for a little while, it makes the pain go away and forces me to focus on something OTHER than the stabbing pains in my stomach, and sumtimes the pain coming from the skin is so unbearable that it stops the tears from falling from my eyes and staining my pillow. I am tyring to stop cutting, but its hard and i dont do it often, most of the time i cry so hard that it wears me out, and i become too weak to pick up a razor. so usually, when i cry, i cry into my pillow and by the end of it, im asleep. Thats what happened last night anyway.

But i promise you all now, u dont have to woryr, because although im going thru pain, im not ever going to give up, because i love you all too much.

Sisi, your my very best friend, too, and i love you more than anything! I wont ever leave you.

Carlee, ur my strength, reading ur posts fills me with so much hope.

Nana, ur advice is amazing, and im so lucky to get advice from someone so wise. I love you all.

~Georgi

All I can say is...

Phew.

I wish you wouldn't cut, love, but I know you're trying your best. I love you so much!

I agree with Car....

I can handle cutting though...
i just can't handle cutting WITH suicidal thoughts...

Its more lethal when mixed and quite terrifying!!

So its better to not cut at all, since those two both usually come together.

sisi, usually suicidal thoughts come with cutting.......dont they? well i wish they would go away, too, but they appear to be getting worse every day. Im so sorry about the other day sierra, i didnt mean to get angry i was just so shocked tht u didnt believe how much i really really love you, please dont ever forget that ? Same for you car, always and forever.
~Geo

Its okay.
I needed someone to yell at me.
I was being a bad friend.
I deserved it!!!

Oh gosh....I feel hyper...

I have to go vaccum though..I shall be back...

What ever happened to our P.P.P.E.MONKEY!??!

She betrayed her oath and stopped talking to us.....

which is punishable by DEATH..

DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!
lol!!!

Sierra

__Meatball Hoagie#2__

I LOVE GEO!

AND SISI

AND KRISTEN!

AND NANA!

My bday is tomorrow. :)

oh gee...lol!!
Geo and I were like posting about our birthdays like WEEKS before they happened..
and you just NOW tell us...

I'm writing you a letter tonight and sending it tomorrow...
i was totally caught off gaurd by this, hun...i'm so sorry...

but I'll get it to you as soon as possible
LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!

I love you too Car and I hope you have a wonderful birthday! May all your wishes comes true. Love Nana

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

PARTY EVERYONE!
ITS CARLEE'S BIRTHDAY!

WWEEEEE!!!!!!!!

I LOVE CAR!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUN!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUUU
HAPPY BIIIIRTHDAY DEAR CAAARLEEEEE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heyassss everyone,
how is u all? car did u have a good birthday???????? Ur older than alla us arent you?!?! Neways hope u had a good day. Did ya get presents??????? hehe!

Sisi! Heyyyyyy, how r ya????? nething new and exciting u wanna tell me???? im sorry i havent been on AIM in a while, ive been ill, and also the fact tht my mum hardly ever lets me online....tht dont help either! lol, but its okay, cause my mum and stepdad have gone to Spain til next tuesday, so hopefully i can have the internet on and on and on forever and ever amen!!!! lol! so yeh i will talk to u soon i hope! I hate not talking to u every night! WE MUST TALK! ur randomness fills my life with happiness! LOL!!! hehe! Well yeh, so how r Zac issues? and FL issues? and ur new school, is everything getting better there???????? hope so.
things havent been too good for me either, lots of stuff on my mind, but ill talk to u soon i hope :( *tears* but i dont want u gettin like u did the other day alright? because i need u to be there, please, i need YOU to be the one who stays strong for me :(:(:( i love u so much sisi!! bestest buddies always, promise.
well ill leave tht now i think its a long post already,
i will talk to u all soon,
kristen WHERE r you?!?!?!? lol
love u car, sisi, kristen, nana :)
all my love always!
Geo

I FOUND HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heya everyone.
Sorry to be a downer, but i feel horrible. =( My Mums away at the mo, and not only do i miss her terribly, i miss my Dad, which means i miss my MUM AND DAD, usually i have my mum to say goodnight, and tell me she loves me, but atm i have noone, and yeah she'll be back soon but my mind is convinced tht she's left me, too. It feels really empty and i hate it.
My brother, my smallest brother, sisi i told u bout tht. He hates me atm, keeps telling me im horrible and addicted. Im not sure what he means by saying im addicted but he is only 9, and he's like my little hero. He comes up to my room sometimes and yells at me for being a terrible sister, then 5 mins later he comes up in floods of tears saying he's sorry and didnt mean it and he loves me and he misses his mummy. I have to hold him in my arms and it breaks my heart to see him crying all the time and cause Mums away i gotta take care of him, which of course i dont mind, but its heartbreaking. He's going through something...and i dont know what it is, or what hes feeling.
I dont think me and my Dad have much of a relationship atm, which sucks. I dont like the person he is right now, and and i dont particually think he likes me much either, seeing as he gets angry at me all the time, and makes me feel as low as a peice of dirt. U no, it kills me to say this but i dont even know if i love him nemore. I feel nothing for him but unhappiness. and its really hurtful to say tht, because i know he's my DAD. But to be honest, Dad is such a distant phrase to me tht when i, or anyone else, says it i feel like they r talking a different language. And tht upsets me, too! because ive missed out on something huge in my life and all i wanna do is rewind the years and go back back back. And have one more hug from my Daddy =( Ive been stuck in the past for so bloody long and no mater how hard i try i keep slipping further back! I have one person by my side every single day making it easier, making me feel important and like im actually worth something, but shes not always gonna be there, and i cant rely on her all the time to lift me up again. I keep slipping down, and im gonna KEEP falling and falling, and trying and trying, and people will get fed up. I do take their advice, but i slip sometimes, and then when im back up again, i slip even further than last time and its a horrible cycle thats got me going round and round circles and i hate it so much.
Im so sorry to vent like this, u dont have to say nething i just had to let it all out. If i went on id have to fill 30 posts. I love you all loads and loads.
~Georgi

OOops..sorryi haven't really been on in a while....

Are you okay Geo?!?! I hope so...i know you're going through a lot and i pray that you'll always stay strong, love.

SO uuuuhh..i woke up an hour early bc my mind was too eager to see Adam that I couldn't go back to sleep, even though I know i won't see Adam today because he has two days of inschool suspension for the most retarded thing ever--seeing me and natasha in our gym class before his was officially OVER.
Unfair. CRUEL! and Unusual punishment.

Little do they know, that as they've inflicted this torturous punishment on him, they're causing me the most agony, an innocent bystander.

NOT FAIR.
lol

I"m trying sooooooo hard not to become obsessed, Geo! like you said! but I talked with him a little bit on myspace and he said these AMAZING THINGS!!!!
""dude........your so cute...adorable...sweet....funnny.....and drop dead gorgeous....ive told natasha and nat....your awesome "

ANND

"I'll die if i dont kiss you b4 you move"

ISNT THAT JUST AMAZING?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No one can top that amazing hug he gave me though. d
afdkaf;kljafla
no one.

OMG THT IS SOOO INCREDIBLY ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWWWWWWWW
IM SOOO happy for u sisi! im so glad u have found someone to give all ur love to! :D:D:D remember what i sed tho, dont give too much too fast.
I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH
~Georgi