Just some jokes to make you smile/laugh

Girl comes in for a Checkup

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.

"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"

I have a frog in the back

A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog."

"Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."

The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be
bothered by her husband that night.

She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks.

"What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"

Tongue Twister

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.

He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"

So the guy tells him: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh." "She socked me one."

The first guy responded, "Mine was a tongue twister too."
"I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.''

Riding Bikes

Two women were riding their rickety old bikes down the back streets of Rome one late afternoon. As it turns dusk, the increasing darkness starts making one of the women a little nervous. She leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way before." The other says, "It's the cobblestones."

How do blonde brain cells die ?
Alone.

What do you get when you turn 2 blondes upside-down?
Two brunettes.

Why did the blonde with a big pussy douche with crest?
She heard that it reduces cavities.

Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.

well these made me laugh anyway!!

Thanks I needed a laugh today! I'm going to pass along Girl Comes In For A Checkup and Riding Bikes ... not to mention the frog. :)

okay, this is one of my favorite joke ^_^

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

Lmao! These were funny! =0)

that one just made my day

hehehe wow

hahahahaha lmao omg they were funny the best 1 was that one about mr jones hehehehehehehehehehe

i got a joke
there was a plane and on board was 50 blondes and one brunette. the plane started having problems and it began to crash. they hit a storm and half of the plane disconnected and fell off and the rest of the plane tilted on its side.

all the people on the plane were holding on to the cieling. if they let go they would of fell.
after a while the captain of the plane said
" right we have worked out that if one person lets go then the plane should turn back over and we should all be ok "

everyone was thinking to them selves and then after a while the brunette said
" ok ill do it, ill let go give me a minuite"
and then all the blondes started clapping

haha get it

ha ha that was funny, the brunette is so smart ^_^

dnt get it

a blonde a brunette and a red head were in a swimming competition... they were to do the breast stroke across to an island and back.

the brunette came in first three hours after the start.
the red head came in second three and half hours after the start.
the blonde came back after three days and collapsed on the beach exhausted. "I dont think that was fair!" she complained. "they were using their arms!!!"

sweet.

thats made a dull i.c.t lesson bareable lol.
hee hee hee hee

Hey I got one.... I love this one... ok,

One day a young man was outside cutting his grass when he notices his nextdoor neighbor Ms. Hootchie who was blond come out of her house, walk to her mailbox, opens it and looks inside, when she saw nothing in there she closed it shut and went back in. He kept cutting his grass. 5 minutes later he sees Ms. Hootchie come out walk over to her mailbox, opens it, looks inside, and angrily shuts it back. She once again stomps off furious and goes back in. Now he is right by her mailbox when 5 minutes later she stomps back out the house mumbling to herself walks up to the mailbox, opens it, looks inside, sees that is empty, and furiously shuts the mailbox close again. Screaming to herself. At this the man asks her " Ms. Hootchie what is the problem you seem upset?" She answers him " I think my computer is broken because it keeps tellin me I have mail, but I came out here and sir there is NO mail."

Hope you enjoy... might not be the best told but yeah...

::MELI::

** Thats funny. Heres one that made me laugh. **

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.

The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"

In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.

He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"

The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.

In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.

The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

awesome

Ok, I got this one, it pretty funny

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quicke-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

PS. Sure is hot down here.

hahaha that was a super joke very funny
* claps*
i would tell a joke but i dnt have one ..
ok i got one ..
why did the piece of chewing gum cross the road..
coz it was stuck to the chickens foot..
yeh any way ill go now before i make a complete fool of myself. if i havent already
Alyssa xxx

I laughed.

That joke was funny