Darien's Conversation with Himself

rudolph shouldnt feel bad... i cant wear my sisters jeans either! lol but shes a size ten kids and im a size 5 juniors...

I have to shut off half my brain when I read these so I don't start saying "HEY!!! That's not right!" but with half it off, it's still funny.

lol! .. yeaaa it's that kind of humour.. immature.. stupid stuff.. kinda like Austin Powers

*Hitler, Stalin, Chamberlin, Bush, Saddam and Osama had all joined forces to defeat the evil Tony Blair. The war was going on for sometime, and eventually they had Blair surrounded. Before they could attack, the sound of a timer could be heard.*

Hitler: Holy shit Chamberlin I think you're ticking!
Saddam: Oh no! The bomb I planted on Chamberlin while we were fighting each other was activated.
Hitler: But who the hell would activate the button?
Bush: Ohhhh I love shiny buttons!! What does this one do? *pushes*

Blair: What the hell!? Someone activated my weather control device!?

Chamberlin: That's it, we're dead!

Osama: *pointing a gun at Chamberlin's head* Not unless you die first. Then we have a chance to survive!

*Voice in the background, 10 seconds to detination*

Chamberlin: Hey, misery needs company ok, you're all going to die with me.

Osama: Damnit, why do we always have to die with you!

*4,3,2,1*

*At the same time the bomb went off, the weather control device struck, and a hole in time was opened. Chamberlin had been split from the team and ended up in the past, the rest of the team was transported into the future, Blair had been transported to another location in the future.*

Cont...

Cont...

*Bush had just waken up and sees everyone standing around him*

Bush: What the hell happened? Who the hell are you!? *staring at Osama*

Saddam: Omg I think he has amnesia!!

Osama: No you fool, it's because I don't have my turban on.

Bush: Holy crap, Osama!? I thought you were bald!! Where are we?..

Hitler: We're in the future. The bomb in Chamberlin went off, and at the same time Blair's weather control device went off, and we got blasted into the future, and the present was destroyed.

Bush: Wtf? How can we be in the future? Aren't we in the present?

Stalin: No you retard, the present was destroyed, we're in the future!

Bush: But I thought the present was now, and the future is like, later on!!

Stalin: You idiot, how can we be living in the present if it got destroyed.

Bush: Don't you mean the past? Was THEN the past? Oh man, I am so confused!

Hitler: He must have hit his head harder than I thought!

Bush: What the hell? I hit my head!?

Osama: Yeah, Saddam thought he was dreaming so he punched you in the head.

Bush: What the!? Why would be punch me in the head!? Saddam you idiot! When you're dreaming you get someone else to pinch you, not punch them!

Saddam: Bush, I don't care what kind of dream I'm having, I'm not gonna ask you to pinch me.

Bush: I swear Saddam, if you dented my forehead I'm gonna kill you!

Oh yay. More.

Maybe this might cheer me up =)

aaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha. That made me smile. =)

Bush: Holy crap, Osama!? I thought you were bald!! Where are we?..

Bush: But I thought the present was now, and the future is like, later on!!

Bush: Don't you mean the past? Was THEN the past? Oh man, I am so confused!

^^^lmao. I was laughing so hard when i read thos three.

hahaha!!!! that was great... darien, you are SUPER AWESOME.

haha....u made my day!!!!! you ROCK my socks man...haha keep it coming, i luv it!!!!

Darien!! Hurry up and post some more. HAHA!!!

Darien, you rock ;)
I'm happy! =D I've been sad all day & now I read your stuff and I"m happy! And, yes, please, do add some more! =D

x

*Superman, Spiderman and Batman were hanging out at the mall one day. They entered HMV and decided to go browsing for CDs.*

Spiderman: Holy shit, my spider scents are tingling!

*he picks out a backstreet boys cd*

Batman: What the hell? Are your spider scents gay or something? Backstreet boys? Eww!.. No wonder you never pick up chicks.

Spiderman: It's not like you're doing any better, you have the Nsync cd hiding in your belt of weird kinky gizmos. Like what the hell is up with that belt man. You got like, whips and spikes and sharp thingys. Geez man, you have some weird fetish.

Superman: You guys are stupid, I don't even know why I hang out with you.

*approaches counter with a CD in hand*

Batman: OMG, and I thought Spiderman was gay!.. Why the hell are you buying that CD for!?..

Spiderman: Good Charlotte sucks, I hate them, I hate you, and I hate the bands you like!!

*Osama, Hitler, Stalin and Saddam were hanging out in downtown LA.*

Hitler: Hey guys, check it out. I bought a new car.
It's a 1989 Chevette.

*Stalin falls down laughing*

Saddam: Don't hurt yourself buddy. *kicking Stalin* So why the hell did you get a shitty ass car in LA for?

Hitler: Because ever since I've moved here to LA, I've never seen a bus. Oh, they have bus stops, but the bus never comes. I always thought LA was full of homeless people, but it's just people waiting for the bus.

Saddam: Oh man, what were you thinking!? That salesman must have seen you coming from a mile away. You must have had a sign written on your over sized forhead saying 'sucker'.

Osama: That makes sense, but why the hell would you buy a Chevette! and look, it came with a hitch to tow stuff!! What the hell are you gonna tow Hitler? Another Chevette in case this one breaks down!!??

Hitler: Screw you guys, I'm going home. And you guys can't drive in my new car.

Saddam and Osama: What!? why not? Come on man, we were only kidding!

Stalin: I get to ride in it right? I mean, I didn't say anything!.. I call shotgun!!!

Hitler: Fine, you retards can ride in it.

Saddam: I call machine gun!!

Osama: Shit!.. fine, I'll settle with pistol.

ooooooooooh. Thanks sooo much Darien!!

I was sad. But now I've smiled. =)

omg!.. you changed your name..
I was wondering who that was!!

Lol. yeah. I got bored with the name I had.

OMG those are friggin hilarious!!!!

hahaha i luv the car one.....:D

lol these are hilarious..i like the one with the car :P

Hitler: Screw you guys, I'm going home. And you guys can't drive in my new car.

^It's like south park...lol i love that.
The spiderman one was also freaking hilarious. GC really does suck...

Haha! Breezy!!

I was doing that the other day. And my dad said the same thing. He was like "you have ------ issues laughing at a computer" and i was like "yeah ---- off" Lmao!

Darien: you really should be a comedian! :P i would come to ur shows!!!

Darien you are hilarious and very talented. I just read every post on this topic.....including the comments from other people. Keep writing!!! You make me happy inside.

hey one of those way up there is from red vs. blue! nice!

wait, some of these aren't his?

Lol, Arwen.. some of these are based on conversations I have with friends, and they sometimes bring up stuff from shows they watch. Red vs Blue was unknown to me, until after I posted this, and I based some of these ideas around things they have said.

The next one I'm about to post is from incidents that happened yesterday!.. enjoy!

*Elmo, Big Bird, Oscar and Grover were hanging out on the train one day. They were on their way to watch the stand up Comedian "Darien". They were all so very excited.*

Elmo: Ernie and Bert were suppose to be coming to the show too, but I think they have tickets up in the stands.

Big Bird: Yeah, we were lucky to get front row tickets! Woohoo!!

*ring ring*
Oscar: Sorry guys... OHHH it's Ernie and Bert, they are leaving now!..

Grover: That's a nice phone Oscar, what kind is it?

*Oscar feeling proud*
Oscar: It's the new Razor, it has a camera, cool ringtones and stuff like that.

Elmo: Aha, what kind of emo cell phone is that Oscar? Let me just take out my razor and cut myself. Gawd!

*they make it to the show, and are waiting in the front row. They try to look behind and see if they could spot Ernie and Bert.*

Elmo: Ok, Grover, you do the left side, I'll do the right.

Grover: Gotcha, but when you say 'do' you mean?..

Big Bird: OMG Grover you retard! I don't think it's possible for you to 'do' everyone in the crowd.

Grover: I could try.

Lmao!!!!!!

Omg, Darien. Lmao!!!

I'm literally laughing at my computer lmao.

*Tiger Woods, David Beckham, Wayne Gretzky and Michael Jordan were hanging out in the parking lot of the local mall. They were bored out of their minds and didn't really know what to do. *

Tiger: Guys! I'm really bored!!

Jordan: Yeah, me too! What are we gonna do!?

Gretzky: I really don't know, maybe we can play a game or something? I don't know, man I can't think straight.

Jordan: What game can we play? I think baseball is the only thing we aren't good at.

Beckham: Guys, come on, seriously. Baseball? That's not even a real sport.

Tiger: Yeah, I know. Baseball sucks!

Gretzky: It's just a rip-off of cricket. Only less boring to watch.

Jordan: Wanna play tag?
Beckham: Wanna grow up?
Tiger: Not really.
Beckham: Not it.
Jordan and Gretzky: Not it.

*In runs in Sammy Sosa, Tom Brady, Brian Lara and Paul Tracy* - Not it!

Tiger: Shit!, fine!.. *chases Paul*

Paul: Why are you chasing me, don't you know I'm an F1 racer.

Tiger: Yeah, well F U *tags Paul* you're it.

Paul: Damn! *chases Brady*

Brady: You can't catch me!..

*Paul tackles Brady* Sacked B*tch!..

Brady: Son of a!.. *chases Sosa*

*Tags him* You're out!!!

Sosa: OMG, I was so safe!! *chases and tags Jordan*

Jordan: Sorry guys, I'm done. I retire..

Haha!

Baseball does suck. My dads American. And he always watches Baseball. It's annoying. Lol

lol... yeaa sorry these are getting bad.. haha
im not funny anymore :(

*The toothfairy, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were sitting down playing some cards and drinking.*

Santa: You know guys, it's pretty bad playing with 3 people, we really need an extra player.

Toothfairy: You think it's time to make up another bogus event?

Easter Bunny: You know guys, we could just invite the St. Patrick's Day Leprechaun.

Santa: Shut up Easter Bunny, you were the last one to join. The toothfairy and I got mad drunk off wine during Easter, and we made up a magical rabbit that lays choclate eggs. That's you.

Easter Bunny: Sorry, I just figured we could have invited him over. He seems liek a fun guy, drinking and stuff, and laughing funny. I like his accent.

Toothfairy: What the? Maybe next you want to invite the Loch Ness monster, huh? and then we can make up some weird Scottish holiday for it!

Easter Bunny: Can we really?..

Santa: No you moron! The Loch Ness monster is real, we're just imaginary characters!! Like Frosty the Snowman, Mickey Mouse and Jesus.

Easter Bunny: It's so weird how some people still believe in us, I mean, geez, when will they learn!?

Toothfairy: You know how annoying it is having to fly around giving old people money!?.. I mean Santa and I last Christmas took a visit to George Bush's house. Geez, I don't think that guy will ever grow up!!

Santa: I gave him a teddy this year. He kept writing me letters threatening to bomb the North Pole if I didn't give him a new teddy.

Toothfairy: Yeah, that's why I leave my address and phone number as unlisted!..

Easter Bunny: I fold.

Santa: Me too.

omg!! Angelina!!! welcome back! :)

Santa: I gave him a teddy this year. He kept writing me letters threatening to bomb the North Pole if I didn't give him a new teddy.

^^^Lmao!!!! Oh gosh. HAHAHA!

"Santa: No you moron! The Loch Ness monster is real, we're just imaginary characters!! Like Frosty the Snowman, Mickey Mouse and Jesus."

HHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! LMAO! that part was great... you rock my socks darien!

hahaha .. are you even wearing socks!?!?..

wow....that was ALOT to read

ahahah sweeet!!! .. ok guys i cant think of anything today.. lol

Yeah, I can't really think of anything.. I don't remember anything too funny over the weekend.. haha *sigh* but I'll post again soontimes!