Darned if I do... Darned if I don't..

Ok, so maybe that title would have more affect with using the proper words. But I figure most of you will know what I meant anyway - and if there's anyone that doesn't, then I shouldn't be the one to say the words.

So, I've been thinkin' about things alot lately. Everything kinda things. And I've realized, that no matter what I do, in the end, someone gets hurt. Whether it be me and others, or just me a whole lot and one other a whole lot... I always find myself crying no matter what the outcome.
I don't know what to do. And I originally came here to vent...but I don't want to post the problem itself...Especially since I've learned of some friends of mine that live in the same town as me come to this site aswell...

So instead, I'll just leave you all with a question.
Have you ever been in the same position? What did you do to get your hopes back up and feel better?... Just let time pass?

Cus truthfully, I'm finding myself relying on someone whom I know I shouldn't rely on. And when he's not around, I'm relying on alcohol.

I don't even like alcohol. And I know alcoholics that have changed my life in the worst ways. And I don't like them!...But I keep finding myself wishing I were drunk...Ugh. I don't know...

Hey I can't say I know what you feel.. because I don't know your situation... or is my business... but I know what it is to rely on liquor... when you want to be drunk... because it numbs the wrong... it numbs the pain... and everything becomes a laughing matter.... at some point I thought I was cured.. but I'm back to the same old *hyt and it's really taking a toll on my being... physically it's literally killing me because I have sickle cell anemia... mentally it just makes me the biggest insensitive ass*ole.... emotionally I was already a wreck now I'm just going down a slope that has no end... goes down forever.... and its no way back up... so I feel you.... my family and friends think I'm some partier and I like to party.. I like going out because I know I"m getting pissy drunk... but yeah only god can help us.... so pray.... a few months ago I was atheist and now I'm not... I don't fall under religion.... but realizing there is a God has helped me tremendously I just can't get through the crap that brings me down.

The very fact you are asking people in a poetry website what to do tells me you already know what to do, but you want validation from someone else.

I could say all kinds of things like, attack your fears, meditate, get therapy, get sober, excecise etc etc etc.

The only thing you will listen to is whatever you want to hear, because you already know the answer, which I believe rests in simple choices.

You will either be strong, and choose to not drink and seperate yourself from this person you are dependant on, or you will choose to be weak and do the opposite. There is nothing else.

What will you choose?

It is always so very hard to change, and almost always so very worth is if it's done with a clear and good awareness.

Good luck.

Well, to the first posted help, thankyou for your words, I appreciate your time. But my problems go so much deeper than just that... I'm sure what you are dealing with is hard on you, and I wish you the best...

To the second poster, I'll probably email you soon, just to keep in touch with someone going through (or who has gone through) the same thing. To you too, I wish only the best.

And lastly, the third poster: you couldn't have been more right. I don't know if it was validation I was looking for, I simply needed a way to pass time as to not reach for that alcohol again; and doing this seemed the best way to do it, because I'd have somethin' worth reading later -where I was aiming to find some comforting words and as you said, validation.
But I don't know the answer yet. The only thing I know is I don't want to have to rely on anything except myself. Especially not anything to do with alcohol.Anyway, I'm off. Probably won't be back for almost a month. But you never know, maybe I'll find some way to stop by before then.
Thanks to all of you. Have a wonderful summer!Best wishes and Good luck with everything. -Me-