Love Poetry Contest. Invitations Only!

Closed.
CLOSED!
CLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOSSSSSEEEEEDDDDDD!!!!!!

Rules:

1. Enter by invitation only!!!!!!!!!

2. If you are going to enter, it MUST be the poem that
I critiqued in my other thread.

3. (This isn't exactly a rule, but anyways...)
The poem can be revised (as per my critiquing) or
you can submit the original version - it's up to you!

4. Have fun, no sore losers! All of the poetry was
great!

Good luck everyone!

-J.R.S.P.

Hung Up (revised)
By: ~*Who Cares?*~

Gazing in your eyes, when you stared back at me,
Those were the days, but now you cannot see.
Seems like we had so much, and now it’s gone,
with you near I change into a magnificent swan.

I remain hung up on you, I can’t let go,
I took a chance to tell you, and now you know.
I’m infatuated with you, even though I’ve cried,
Because I’ve learned how you truly feel inside.

Everything you do makes me addicted you.
I can hardly control the tears, since we were through.
I never got a chance to show you how serious I am,
I guess I never will…and you’ll never hold my hand.

I’m hung up, can’t let go, I love you baby,
Someday you’ll feel the same…maybe.
Until then I’ll wait, I’ll wait forever,
I’ll be hung up, if you need me ever.

Yay!! I'm back in time!!! Lol

Final Kiss Goodnight
by Póετε§Š Call Me Glen-Duh!

The time has come for you to leave,
from my side you must now part.
Here, I ask you just one thing
take with you my entire heart.

Please don't forget the memories
or the passions of each night.
Don't let go of what we had,
remember when you held me tight.

I look back on the times we shared
when everything was you and me.
There are no doubts inside our heads
you and I were meant to be.

You know I'll miss your tender touch
and the way you made me feel.
Making every dream come true
making my fantasies all real.

All those stolen, secret kisses
swept me completely off the ground.
The way your lips caressed me
when there was nobody around.

Everything from the beginning
until the very end.
Our hearts may break in two
but I promise they will mend.

The things you said to me,
on that last night we met
"Baby I'll remember everything,
I promise you I won't forget."

You caressed my lips with yours,
in your arms holding me tight.
You sealed every single promise
with one final kiss goodnight...

© Glendaliz M.

Yess, thanx for the tips Jordan. i tried to make it better.

October Rain

You don't know how you make me feel, standing here next to you. Knowing that I love you, and hoping you love me too. The dark purple sky, with clouds all around. As the soft rain falls on us, and we listen to it's sound.

I wish it would never end, this beautiful October rain, because when I'm with you, I can feel no pain. As we lay on the ground, staring up at a star. I think of all the good times, and how we've come so far.

Had I only just known, it would be our last night. If someone would have told me it would be your last sight. I never would have let you go, as we walked around, and listened to the wind blow.

However now i'm alone, you're simply a memory. forgotten by all, all of course except me. I kept you in my heart, but it just caused me pain. As I tried to hold on, I started going insane.

I want to be with you, want to see you anew. so i found out a way, to be with you real soon. and as i pick up this gun, and hold it up to my brain. i'll never forget, that this is my last October Rain.

Oscar

Stuck In The Past
by ♥ Jєѕѕу ♥

Stuck in the past, caught in a net
My broken heart has not given up yet
Yearning for you, crying at night
Trapped in the dark, fighting for light..

Emotions tied tight, impossible to retreat
These feelings my broken heart can’t delete
Confused thoughts flow through my mind
A safe, peaceful place they’re trying to find..

Please god relieve me of this pain
I’m tired of driving down the same old lane
Free me from the past, untangle this net
For another man my heart has met..
________________________________

Thankss for the corrections.. Not sure if I did it right though.. lol :)

On Our Way... -Dhaval

We walked through gates like ancient friends,
your last rose petal declared “he loves me”
as my stifling lips smiled in pretence
I trepidly told of the rose’s honesty.

Somewhere in the scent of the soil we graced
and along the dew of the trails we tread,
ignorance was joy when this heart once raced
and butterflies danced above mushroom heads.

Somewhere along that old winding course
we tripped and fell down flat across the lawn,
I lifted you up, and dumping all remorse
you strode ahead, but I couldn’t carry on.

He was never there around- and you wailed
when his offhand words overlooked your heart,
yet it was I who ensured that tears never welled
in the eyes of the girl who ripped me apart.

Your statements of love gnawed and poked
unrequited knives split my innards in two;
sometime a day-dream, my feeble spirit broke,
somewhere on our way, I fell in love with you......

Juliet's Romeo

Interwoven breath through fingertips
slipping between laced heartstrings
plucking cords to the tune of Juliet's
fallen Romeo, a lover that cast a
stone into the galaxy; eternal roulette

Entwined sadness displayed in a
kiss of bitter rasberries stripped
Too soon of their natural flavor
Folded inside a used white napkin
She was thought to live in solitude

In sensing a symphony cut as
sweeping eyes gazed upon her
Beneath intense starlit night
Keeping in time with a rhythmic
heart, drowning in struggled breath

Velvet whispers, unspoken words
Heard through motions tumbling
Through a lone wandering tear
Wiped with the back of Romeo's hand
That soon held the trembling Juliet

With one kiss; deep inside a soul
Came Juliet's call for dear Romeo

Untitled poem
By: Girlie Goo

Little girl do your thing,
Let love guide your way,
Little girl, just be careful
That you, arn't led astray.

For love is complicated,
In which people dont understand,
Its a deadly virus little girl
So don't jump at it with all hands.

Look outside your window,
See couples everywhere,
Little girl, just you make sure,
That the one you love does care.

Little girl, there are boys,
Who will need you for one thing,
Dig deep and you will find,
For the right boy your heart will sing.

Take your time with love
For if true it will never end,
Find a boy of wisdom girl,
One who shan't pretend.

Some boys treat girls like objects
Objects of desire,
Pick a boy of power, knowledge,
One who is not a liar.

For once you fall in love,
It will never leave you alone.
But to be able to make your mistakes,
You have to lose, to be able to know.

So little girl, do your thing,
Let love guide your way.
But little girl be careful,
That you arn't lead astray.
--------------------------------------------------------

How was that i have changed what you suggested let me know soon xxx alex xx

Love me more Than a statue of Gold

What beauty lies in Thy eyes
Swarming bees of honey cries
Awaiting my appeasing kiss
Ah, such lust in gleaming bliss

Blooming arousement in thy hands
Oceans of jewels within my plans
Tis a sorrow to lose this game
But I shall win in valor fame

You aroint me in vile haste
But such beauty can't die in waste
Waiting and waiting upon thy thee
Let down your guard, let me breath
What is it that you ask of me?

In Response...

A beauty yes, but only a statue of gold
An idol of admiration of men till I'm old

Like a red rose in a field of death
Time lingers and withers my soul

True, you are a man of great wealth
Prowling the night with eager stealth

Tempting young maidens to broken hearts
Judge me nought, I differ from those

Love me like no other men dares
See inside my yearning face so fair
Gaze at me, not this Idol I've become to be
Then I shall join your intimate seas

Come on, guys! There are 26 more of you and I know you're out there!!!

Get a move on! :D

Waiting on your critiques...

...I know, but others can still join in...

I'm really sorry, I've just been away from the computer much lately. Argh...

No worries my man. : )

Once I Loved You (revised- thanks for the tips!)

Another smile to the disaster you encrypted
On my backbone, your tale scripted.
Paralysed by the blasphemy on your tongue,
Framed as your victim, to watch you prey on the young
(and innocent).

Stained your cheap dress in wine,
Kisses laced with decline,
(you traded yourself short).

Drown as you love yourself in vain,
Tears of the lies your insides contain.
Beauty slept inside your impure core,
For you’re not perfect, not anymore.

Spitting on your upturned funeral bed, your eternity
Little damned princess of modernity.
There's no forgiveness kiss in the make-up,
No blood covenant for your hiccup
(not anymore).

Stained your cheap dress in wine,
Kisses laced with decline,
(you traded yourself short).

Drown as you love yourself in vain,
Tears of the lies your insides contain.
Beauty slept inside your impure core,
For you’re not perfect, not anymore.

You were everything I held close,
I loved you the most
(only to watch you walk away).

Feeling Green in the Game of Love (revised, thanks for the tips :D)

If only, if only you'd look into my eyes,
and see that love for you hidden deep inside.
I want to laugh and cry,
and hold you for all time.
But she's the one who makes you smile, she’s the only girl you see.
I’m just a friend, there is no way you’d ever love me.
You’ll never understand the painful blur,
that I feel, when you walk in the room with her.
okay i admit it its jealousy im feeling,
but im really having trouble dealing with this love.
You crush my dreams like they are nought
my happiness to you, is just an afterthought.
But still i adore you and still i don't give up.
Am I crazy or one day will I finally be in luck?
And you'll finally feel the same,
as i have all through this STUPID GAME!

Upon A lovers Ideal

Lame beauty withering slowly
Against the precious life form's arm.
A kiss planted so gently
Upon a lover's palm.

Sweet teardrops of the sunlight
Bathe them in a reclusive glow
A shadow falls intently
Upon a lover's plateau.

Alas! It seems pure nature
Has followed in appeal,
So calm, the world is living
Upon a lover's ideal.

I didn't change what you suggested, not because of ego or anything :) In your comment you said palm and arm don't rhyme, but because of my English accent, it does! Thanks anyway

"I didn't change what you suggested, not because of ego or anything :)"

^
Don't worry about it, sometimes my opinions suck anyways! Haha.

"In your comment you said palm and arm don't rhyme, but because of my English accent, it does!"

^
Aaaah, that makes sense. Well, from now on, I'll think in an English accent whilst reading your poetry. :)

jordan, you never critiqued my peom "Sandcastles" on your last post. You must have skipped over me or something...(I turned it in when there were still spots left.) So, here it is again...

~*~"Sandcastles"~*~

Building sandcastles
With you by my side
Our hands softly touching
Our faces we hide

The waves lap the shore
The ocean's so blue
I'd rather do nothing
Than be here with you

You know that I'm blushing
You smile with glee
We hold a warming gaze
As we stand at the sea

The salt in the water
The chill in the air
But you promise you love me
You promise you care

Your arms hold me tender
Your love is so sweet
We kiss in the water
The sand at our feet

The waves come in stronger
You hold me closer still
I love how you protect me
And shelter me with will

The sandcastle is swept away
By the force of the waves
But our love is much stronger
Our love always stays

Copyright (C): Rhianna

^
Don't worry, I didn't skip it, I just haven't been on much lately. You'll have to be patient. Sorry.

23 to go!

Come on, guys!

Nvm.

Pssst-

I Love You Jordan.

(as an evil monkey brother)

{Lauren}

By my side
by: Lauren... ([-untitled-])

I want to be,
next to you.
I miss you when,
you're far away.
being with you,
makes my day.

I need you to be near,
when you're here,
I have no fear.
but when you leave,
when you're gone,
I'm forgotten.
abandoned.
left out,
in the cold.

I cry,
I die,
Inside,
it kills me.
I can't survive,
without you.
I can't deny,
I need you..

I need you to,
be by my side,
for me to hide,
sheltered behind.
this burning desire,
like gasoline,
on fire
ecstasy-
only higher,
but then I learn...
you're a liar

a cheat
a sneak
a crook
like, a coded book..

a story consisting,
of torn pages.
and forgotten,
lies.
i forgot to read,
between the
broken lines.

now I see,
how you're a fake.
it's like finally,
I've begun to wake.
from a clouded dream,
an incubus
of screams.
a nightmare,
of lies,
atleast,
that's what it seems.

now everything,
is back,
to the way
it used to be.
nothing is right,
there is no more light,
the world is
covered,
smoldered in night.
the eyes of the people,
are shadowed,
in fright.

I can't look you
in the eyes.
can't face,
your demonic lies.
I can never,
bear the sight.
because of you,
I will never
be alright.
your lies show the fact,
that you never feel contrite.
this spark of hatre
is what,
you ignite.

your lies,
they kill me,
burn me inside.
make me feel,
a desperate
need to hide.
can't you tell?
that it's you
I despise?

please leave me.
just forget me.
I desperately need,
for you to regret me.

just find,
someone else.
to torment.
to torture.
to curse.

and to make their lives
miserably worse

please find,
another girl,
to kill,
with your lies.
because no more tears,
will fall
from these eyes.
these cheeks,
shall be dry.
I will never again cry...

But I want,
you to know,
that I still
need you...
by my side.
---------------------------------------------------------

Thats my editing, with and without some of your suggestions. also i think i'll porlly remove some of the commas and periods.. i just dont like using punctuation. xD

([-untitled-])

YAY Lauren!

PS I love you too (as an evil monkey sister).

WOO Kristen!

Why

"Why do I love you?" I have been asked
I will tell you and it won't be fast

You have the most beautiful eyes I have seen
When I look into them I get lost in a dream

The sense of security I have when were together
Tells me that you are the one I want to be with forever

Your sweet embrace gets me every time
Which is shown through my smile and shine

Sweetness comes natural for you to share
And the ones you love see it by your uttermost care

Your elegant smile always lights up any room
Which has everybody feeling happy and never gloom

Every gentle caress that comes from your fingertips
Sends me sailing on the most divine of ships

Your gorgeous body from head to toe
Is evident as the world already knows

My heart melts from the sensual sound of your voice
While keeping other parts of my body very moist

You love me like I thought I could never be loved
And would never hurt me in any way not even being shoved

Just by the very look that glows from your eye
Tells me that your love for me reaches higher than the sky

My fears and worries vanish when you are near
Which has my head always feeling free and clear

Even though I may be so very far away
You always tell me you love me each and everyday

So what do I say when asked, "Why Do I Love You?"
Cause I know in my heart and soul...
I will always love you from here to eternity...
That's why I want to walk down the aisle and say "I Do!"

The Harshness of Reality [Revised]

They say that love can fill an ocean
sail a ship across the sea
Fly a kite above the clouds
Or solve Life's mysteries.

They say mere words of love bring hope
mend broken fences everyday
It's known to heal a tarnished heart
or chase the blues away

They say that love is the answer
to questions we may have through time
and it's the only thing that matters
to give it up would be a crime

That is what they say to me
as I travel through my life
They never bothered telling me
how love could cut you like a knife

They never said my heart could die
that trust and faith would both be gone
or cause me to scream in pain
when I was treated wrong

They never said to me it crushes
mortals agonized and broken
because they too believed the lie
when those three words were spoken

The harshness of reality
that love has brought to me
Is bittersweet and locked away
and needs no company

I did make a few changes. The cutsie line was a bit off, but I was trying to start with something light and whimsical and progress into the harshness of love. Maybe it was a bit too over the top. Thank you for the suggestions. I hope this is better. I will give you credit for the critiqueing. It takes a better person than me to do something like what you have done. So many poem, so many poems. I would have given up a long time ago.

crazyandsweet:

Would you be able to wait a little longer for me to critique your poem? Or are you just going to submit an unedited version anyways?

It's not a problem, I'm just making certain.

-J.R.S.P.

if you would like to critique it great but if you can't that is fine too ;) always willing to hear your opinion...so if you have time great but don't feel you have to :)

OH, I can, and I'm going to. I'm just being a bit slow, that's all. Keep checking back...it'll be done soon, I'd say!

alrighty then I will keep checking :)

can i post a different love poem cause my other poem was horrible...... if not its fine...just askin...

Vulnerable

Look at me,
so pathetic,
living like I owe a God my love.

There is not a crafter in existence
with enough perfection in his veins
to mold such a great piece of disaster.

My soul is not a product;
my thoughts were not forged.

Illusions might hold you warmly,
but the cold sting of reality
keeps me awake.

Nothing can soothe my ache
except the dulling effects of death.

when you say invited, you mean like private invitation? or anyone from the other board?

every1 in the other post.

((Alright thanks WC))

A Final Prayer
by †!♪~*`Bryce Dressler`*~♪!†

A slow rolling tear
Fell down his cheek
As he stood over her bed
he began to feel weak

He couldn't believe it
No way this was true
He couldn't live without her
He wouldn't know what to do

He dropped to his knees
At the head of her bed
Looked up to the ceiling
While crying he said,

"Why'd you do this god
Why'd you take her from me
I need her so much
Why can't you see

It can't end this way
No, she can't die
God please don't do this
I can't say goodbye

She can't go away
Not here, not now
I'll do anything to bring her back
Please just tell me how

Take the life from me
Take my heart and soul
God please bring her back
I don't care what the toll

Take the blood from my veins
The breath from my chest
I don't care if I die
Just put me to rest

He stopped speaking for a minute
As she layed there slowly dying.
The only sound to be heard
Was of the teenage boy's crying

His tears crashed to the floor
As he barely made a stand
He reached across her body
And gently held her hand

As he wiped his eyes
He couldnt understand
Why'd this have to happen
Why'd it have to end?

He had one last thing to do
As he watched her lay
He had one last minute
One last thing to say

"I have one more thing to ask
a favor, God, from you
If you are going to take her
Can you please take me too?"

Again he fell to his knees
Not knowing what else to say
He held her hand tight
Not ready to give her away

But then he heard the monitor
Beep for the final time
And after that, all to be heard
Was the single flat line.

He let her hand go
And kissed her on the cheek
As more tears came to his eyes
He prayed they'd soon meet

Although she is in heaven
Past the clouds and above
They could deny him her body
But could not deny their love

And when he gets to heaven
He will soon see
She will be waiting
To be together...Eternally

(C) 2005 Bryce Dressler

no prob:D

Sorry that I haven't been responding to your posts, but I've not been online for a while.

To everyone:

Read the rules at the top, and you'll be set. I'm making NO exceptions, not even for you, Top Sloth.

OK, I just finished critiquing...finally!

Just wanted to let you all know that I'm sorry for taking so long.

SO...what're you all waiting for?

Get cracking and enter your poems! Revised poems or no, I'm really anxious to complete this contest!

-J.R.S.P.

My Everything [revised]

You are the love in my heart,
the song in my soul,
the answers to my prayers,
the One who makes me whole...

You are the oxygen in my life,
the air that helps me breathe,
the strength to keep me strong,
in myself, You help me to believe...

You are the warmth when I am cold,
the light that helps me see,
my laughter when I'm sad,
the very best of me...

You are the star in all my dreams,
You make right, all things wrong,
You're all my greatest thoughts,
and to whom I do belong...

You are not, just my somebody,
You're my world, my life, my love.
You truly are my everything,
my sweet angel from above.

I think there are about 17 poems left to be entered, I keep losing count.

Hehe.