A Joke A Day...

Post a joke that's made you smile.
Can be long, short, a rhyme or a story.
Spread the laughter!
=)

^^lmfao.........that made my day, a LITTLE better!

xxleisaxx

hahah, thats so funny!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm laughing so hard.. that's not a bad joke at all! lol Great work! =D

Hehe, i love that joke, i used to laugh out loud in class whenever i thought of it.

Here's one... (sorry if it offends anyone though)

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

Uncle Sam (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out. It's virtually impenetrable."

Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water."

>_

This one is better, it made me laugh =)

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."

The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."

The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"

"Sure," says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"

She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"

rotflmao! holy crap that was friggen hilarious! *dies laughing* that was sooooo funny!

That

Was

SOOOOOO

FUNNY !!! =D

lmfao! XD

x

OMMFG these are awesome.. i almost died at eh bank of america one, and the afganistan one. ahh. lmmfao.xD

Hehe, i wonder who the voice was!!! lmao!

XD I don't know what to say XD So funniej!

x

By just 'reading' that i know i'm not ready for kids!!!
lmfao!!

HAHA that is funny.. the baby one i mean.. hahahaha that would turn anyone off kids haha

The other jokes are hilarious too.. =P

omg i love the last one ouch that kid got his but whipped

HAHAHAHAHA! That's my favorite one definately! Haha!!!

♥

lmfao!!! Loved the latest one! Brilliant!

haha ive heard that one before and i fort that it was really good haha still makes me laugh now!

wow! tht realy was long ! it took me ages to read but it was soooooooo worth it !

keep it up

XxXxXRaChAeLXxXxX

Hehe, i've done the magic picture one before!!! =D

lmao. I'm glad to say thats not happened to me, although i've done my fair share of stupid things, lmao

"25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY."

We could prevent soooo many accidents if we could just keep those damn five year olds off the fork lift trucks...

ROFL!!!

i like the kids thingy.......i am SO not ready! lol

xxleisaxx

ok now time for a dumb blonde joke:P

One day, a girl was putting a puzzle of a tiger together, but it just wouldn't work! After trying and trying, she decided to call her boyfriend..

Girl: Baby, come over NOW!! I need your help!! I have a puzzle of a tiger here, and it just isnt working!

Guy: OK, Babe, i'll be right over

..so the guy came to help his girl put the puzzle together. As soon as he saw her at the table, he walked over to try and help. He looked at the picture, and looked at her. Looked at the picture and back at her again. Finally, the girl looked up:

Girl: What's the matter baby?
Guy: Hun, you need to put the puzzle down
Girl: NO!!! I need to finish this puzzle! I want to see the tiger!!

The girl continued to rearrange the pieces, trying to find the right spots. Eventually, her boyfriend took her by the hand and sat her down

Guy: Hun, that will NEVER be a picture of a tiger, now put the cornflakes back in the box

lmao!
i heard this one and laughed so hard=) =)

lmfao!!!!!!

LOL!

OMG that blonde one was sooooo funny haha!

liked the other one tooo :D

2 blondes were going to disneyworld and saw a sign that said disneyworld left so they went home

OMG! That's brilliant!! lmao. The poor monkey!
*shakes head in sorrow* hehe

heres a good one:

one day a teacher asked his class sarcastically, "if anyone here thinks they're an idiot, please stand up."
after about 5 minutes, one kid stood up and the teacher asked him, "now why do you think your an idiot?"
the kid replied, "i don't, i just dont like seeing you stand there all by yourself"

Haha Snugglez! I loved all those quote things!

And the monkey one, and the stupid teacher one. lol they are all so good. I always come to see if any more have been added, they make me laugh so much lol Keep them coming! Thanks everyone!

♥

haha i've heard it before, but a good one. she outsmarted herself haha

Haha! That is so smart! I never would have thought of that lol.

LMFAO!
Go blonde!!! hehehe
Wow, this thread has really gotten a good response for once!! Yay!

Lmao!!! That one is classic, i so have to remember that one!! XD

I found another blonde one!

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

*Gem*

A blonde walks past a shop and spots something in the window that takes her fancy, so she goes in the shop and asks "can i buy that tv please"
The Shopkeeper says "sorry love we dont serve blondes"

So the blonde goes out and puts a brunette wig on and goes back in "can i buy that tv please"
the Shopkeeper says yet again "sorry love but we dont serve blondes"

So the blonde goes out again this time deciding to put a red wig on and walks back in the shop she asks again
"can i buy that tv please"
And the shopkeeper replied with "sorry love we dont serve blondes"

The blonde stands there looking puzzled and says to the shopkeeper, "hang on ive come in and out 3 times to ask to purchase something, each time with a different colour wig on, how did you know that i were blonde??"

The shopkeeper simply replies with
"because thats not a tv love its a microwave"

LMFAO! i liked that one haha

~*~Jen~*~

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

~*~Jen~*~

Lmao, i should be insulted.. i was born blonde...
But lmfao!!!! XD

hahahah sweetness, i've heard all of these before but they are so awesome.

Hehe, i heard one about a blonde trying to thorw a blonde out the window, but i can't remember the ful joke
Anyone got it?