Suicide letter

A broken smile
a broken heart
a broken daughter
from the start

2 years old
my father left
9 years old
my mother faced death

13 years old
the first heart break
14 years old
death takes its place

now we are here
where i am 15 years old
i don't want to live
i just want to be cold

i want to be alive
but dead within my skin
i want to watch you cry yourself to sleep
as you see me die within

i want to take this blade
and slice my f.u.c.k.i.n.g throat
i want to take this time
to write this f.u.c.k.i.n.g note

i want to tell you something
that i think you need to know
i cut myself everyday
and yet i don't go

i stare at myself in the mirror
angry at this face
i want to run the blade right through
the skin that sits in place

i want to watch myself bleed
and watch it drip to the floor
i want to be on the ground
dying next to the door

i want all of you to read this
and tell me what could have been
i want everyone to know me now
that I'm not anyones friend

i never planned a future
because i knew my life would end
i never had any friends
because they had no hands to lend

i never talked to anyone
because i bottled it all up
I'm surprised they didn't see my wrists
and how they were full of cuts

my dear oh my dear
why have you forsaken me
my heart was burnt bloody and sore
oh why didn't you see

you say you knew everything
then why didn't you know this
why were you the one who tried
to cut MY f.u.c.k.i.n.g. wrists

did you want me dead as well
because ill show you the truth
ill show you i wasn't afraid at all
that i just wanted you

my tears run down and soak my blade
and clean it of the blood
my heart sinks down into its place
and i think now that I'm done

i take this blade and hold it close
to this vein on my wrist
i kiss my hand and say "stay strong"
I'm sorry I'm doing this

but this is for my own good
these cuts upon my wrist
this time they are a little deep
and i hope you know i quit

so break me as hard as you can
I'm ready right now
break my heart and leave me there
as i fall to the ground

i just sit there bleeding
this blood is the last time
oh hunny beibi darling boy
how i wish you were mine

but this is not for you my love
its for me to live my life
and if i have to live it now
by the stained knife

my god i will live it in hell
waiting for you to come
because i know you'll be there soon
along with your first son

so break my down you b.a.s.t.a.r.d
I'm ready for your s.h.i.t.
i will not break for you again
B.I.T.C.H. I'M DONE WITH THIS

[I'm sorry if its bad i haven't written a suicide poem in forever]