Swimming in my Emptiness

You tell me to look deep inside myself. "Close your eyes and tell me everything," you say. But when I do, all I find is emptiness. I could tell you little parts of my life that will probably mean nothing to you. You want the deep stuff, and to tell you the truth... I can't think. Your little beady eyes stare me down waiting for my life story. My brain though seems to have shut down. When it comes to talking about my past it's like someone hit the mute button, and all I can do is show you the pain by my wounds.

Yes, my wounds can tell you that I've been in pain, but it wont be able to tell you why, or how, or when. It will only tell you that I have poor coping skills, and been in pain.

I stay awake with my coffee at 3am, and when everyone is asleep is when I can let my true feelings show. I cry. I cry mostly for my family, I cry for my secret past, I cry for the people I have hurt in this long healing process. I don't even realize that I'm burning my throat with every sip of coffee.

The wounds is what fills the void that's inside of me. I close my eyes, and swim through my emptiness. But I would like to apologize for having no words.