Very interesting piece, I enjoyed in whole poem, you wrote it truly originally and I love ideas, you expressed emotions remarkably.
I really think that this is very descriptive and you said a lot of your emotions through just two stanza s and images which is quite impressive.
Ending line is really effective, I honestly think that you did fantastic job.
â€œSo solitary, On the bathroom floor,
Wiping the tears my reflection saw,
Time's a wasting before my eyes,
Drawing the line of my own demise.â€
-- Firstly, great rhythm and rhyme, love poems that rhyme ;] Umm. Loved the use of the complex/sophisticated words;
â€œsolitaryâ€ â€œdemiseâ€. < well used.
Favourite line is:
â€œDrawing the line of my own demise.â€
^ Apart from the great wording- demise â€“ it adds an interesting thought, like demise means â€˜endâ€™ or â€˜terminationâ€™, and it really makes you think, holy shit, thatâ€™s what sheâ€™s actually doing- killing herself < came up with â€œherselfâ€ because of next stanza.
A very interesting stanza. With sadness, I enjoyed reading. Loved the rhythm and the rhyme a lotâ€”style is great!!
â€œEyes rolling back into my head,
Spinning thoughts of things he said,
And as I leave everything behind,
I just keep on walking the line.â€
-- Also a great stanza, with the rhythm, but, sorry for thisâ€”the last two lines donâ€™t really rhyme in my mind!! Arghh sorry ;[
It sounds great, but â€˜Behind.. Lineâ€™ â€“ no rhyme! It does sound the same, but after reading it aloud 20 times and even getting a friend to read it aloud, it doesnâ€™t rhymeâ€”BUT I am not going to look at this little negativeâ€¦ Iâ€™m keeping with the positives!
It is a good stanzaâ€”relates well to the topic/theme, and the title- â€œWalking the Lineâ€ â€“ very well used in the last line.
But, why does it say â€œI just keep on walking the line.â€????? Does this mean she lived, and keeps trying??
Didnâ€™t quite add up in my head, but it still worked for me.
Favourite line is:
â€œSpinning thoughts of things he said,â€
^ It explains why she is doing this- in 1 line- JUST ONE! Which is great ;]
Well constructed stanza, thoroughly enjoyed this one- it was like a simple goodbye.
Sad. Yet fantastic. Loved it. â€“Simple â€“Complex â€“Sophisticated â€“Mature.
Really liked the fact it was only a small poem, yet contained complex and sophisticated words. It made the author very mature in writing poems, Iâ€™m sure you are ;] but this shows what you can do, under this topic, in this type of theme, under these circumstances.
Very nice. Hard to believe it isnt a cutting poem.
"Walking the Line" is a good way to convay the ideas and feelings behind cutting but hey thats just me...
great work. however, the first 2 lines in the first stanza don't match. idk if they were supposed to but the rest of the lines did....
I love this. I wish it was longer because I truly liked it from the first to the last line but it is very effective like this too because you managed to say so much within just two stanzas. I like your choice of words a lot. The imagery that you portrayed in each stanza is breathtaking, very intense. You expressed emotions excellently, too, I could feel everything that you described.
Overall, greatly written sad poem.
5/5 from me