Oh my... I love this. I love to read peoms that I can actually relate to! I can feel your pain in this and i'm sorry you lost something so dear to you. i hope things get better.. keep holding your head up high. For one day she will look back and wonder what if. This is a promise! Good luck
Meg

This is a really good poem.
i love it ....
5/5

Wow. amazing. very good. keep it up

WOW that's so sad but cute !!!!

This is a good poem. You put reality into it. Great job!

So many times i should have pled
So many words i wish id said
So many things that I did wrong
But here i am standing strong
`First off, please capital your I's and use punctuation T_T It's just a big pet peeve, and it takes away from the sophistication of the poem if it isn't presented well, even if the words are a gift.
-- Now, the first stanza was ... simple. The flow kind of faltered at the last line. It's a really overused rhyme. Can't say much. I didn't dislike it, but it didn't really stand out, this stanza.

I have to think about my life
Cant let your love cause me strife
You chose your path, now i chose mine
Its just something i cant define
`The rhymes seemed forced. Like, really forced. It started out awkward, went amazing and then just came to a crash. "Define" -- the choice of word made me go, Huh? I get it, yet it just seems like an awkward decision. But, the third line "You chose your path, now I chose mine" is very powerful. It holds so much and just leaks a newfound confidence being spoken in this piece.

I have to move on with my dreams
Ive used up all of my old schemes
I tried so long for your love
Now I give my heart to the one above
`Ah, now the last rhyme of love and above -- very typical and it just made it sound extremely forced. I think what you should work on, is word choice. A poem doesn't always have to rhyme, and it seems like that's what you're going for .

I wish all this could just change
I wish you'd come and rearrange
I wish this wasn't how it had to be
Without you in my life i don't feel complete
`Sweet ending -- but the beginning is again, weird. "I wish you'd come and rearrange" sounds incomplete. Like there should be more after it, and the reader can't fully grasp what you're trying to express.

I hope you find the right guy
Someone who treats you right and wont lie
That special one who makes you free
Gives you love and makes you happy
`I found nothing to critique in this stanza (: It's straightfoward and absolutely charming. It speaks emotion of sucking it up, letting it go and stepping up to the plate where you just have to accept and move on and hope for the best -- for both you and the other person.

So many things i didn't do
So many lies i didn't make true
So many attempts to try and hold her
so many things and now its over
`I liked the idea you were going for -- for how to end the poem. It's smart. And perfect, but I feel the repitition of "so many" when not written ... "right" takes away from the meaning.

Overall, you need some edits -- but it ain't bad. Pretty good, actually. It's very simple, and sweet. Though it's not complicated like some "amazing" poetry -- this piece was emotional, and powerful, and that's what's important.
So, well done, hon.
Keep it up :)
..__MiNDYY

I loved this great job!

That is really good i really liked it :)

This is a good poem. I think you should capitalize your I's and use the apostrophes ('). You surely had decent flow and great word choice. You did go from "you" to "her" while meaning the same person. But, it wasn't to bad - I just suggest making it all go together.

This was a beautiful write. the first stanza was a wonderful start for a poem such as this one. the words you wrote for this poem came straight from your heart, i could tell. the flow was terrific. and you expressed yourself very well. job well done 5/5.

-Ashlei.

One thing ive notice..i think the word complete dint go with the rhyme but honestly i dint affect the intensity of the poem..Vividly written..Very powerful and comes from the heart..It touched me deeply especially when you wished here good things and regreted things you dint do and say...Vert well written but as again filled with extreme sadness...

Wow it ain't easy losing someone you love so deeply..

I wish all this could just change
I wish you'd come and rearrange
I wish this wasn't how it had to be
Without you in my life i don't feel complete

^^
That stanza left me speechless!
Wishing it wasn't like this wishing she was by your side cos she completes you..

I loved it
5/5

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