I try to hold it all inside,

I try to hold it all inside,
I try to keep it all to myself,
This pain i try not to even type,
This frustration, that resides in the heart of mine,
I try to keep it in my heart,
But it all spurs out through my eyes,
In a form of tears,
My body shakes, as if it was surrounded by ice,
But the weather is hot, the sun is shining, smiling, or is it taunting and mocking????
I prefer this darkness, where everything is hidden, i cry yet no one sees, i scream, but no one hears,
I run, but find myself back to where i started,
I cut, but pain is no where to be felt,
All i see is this red liquid, that everybody calls blood,
I try to kill myself, but then my conscience, stops me,
I try to lift my self up, but these people just throw me off,
I grab my hair, and i tear it out,
to release this tension, to let this stress out,
I wear long sleeves to hide these scars,
I wear glasses to hide my teary eyes,
I wear black so i wont be standing out,
I stay away from people, as they always end up hurting me,
I tried to win this girl's heart but ended up losing mine,
i tried to become this girl's FRIEND, but ended up losing my light,
I tried to come closer to god, but ended up distancing myself,
I tried to change myself, But ended up falling back into the darkness,
i think I'm losing my mind, this loneliness, it's creeping on to me,
I grab this knife, with a grip so strong,
I bring it closer to my wrist, i make a quick slit, with a strong grip,
The blood pours out, it drips on the floor,
The knife, it falls from my hands, it digs deep into my foot,
Now I'm hurt, i want to scream, as I'm in great pain,
But then i realize, my sister is just few feet's away,
I shove my fingers in my mouth, and sink my teeth on my already bloody fingers,
with my shaking hand i remove this knife, theres blood everywhere, but I'm worried how will i clean this up,
I put the knife away, its neatly hidden, where it's not supposed to be,
I wrap a towel around my wrist, and my t-shirt on my foot,
i slowly open the toilet door and run with an injured foot, to my dingy room,
i quickly lock it, and collapse on my bed,
And the next morning i wake up, with pain so strong, it makes me weep,
I struggle to breathe, as this pain is so deep,
My hand, i cannot lift,
My foot, it's impossible to move,
My stomach, it's asking for food,
But i lay there on my bed, helplessly, just waiting to heal,
I grab my laptop, which is always by my bed side,
With one hand i type this pain of mine.........