Before the Sun came, the Earth was cold and alone.
It suffered hopelessly through the long dark night.
Earth had reached the limit, no sunshine it'd die.
The Sun came along one morning, it stood to fight.
He came and won the battle against the darkness.
Her core was now filled with His rays of comfort.
Sadly, every night He has to leave once again.
Without His sunlight, everything inside hurts.
I'm waiting out this long night to see Him.
To once again feel His love, my heart is sore.
I love Him, He's changed my life in so many ways.
Not even the sky's blue, through my eyes anymore.
Wrote this in his birthday card. Long distance sucks.
Beautiful poem. i like how u compared things like the sun and the earth and it was almost like this poem was going in a sequence of events. i can really relate to this and once again how descriptive you are makes your poems much better and much more fun to read. your style is unique! i love it 5/5
I feel this is a beautiful poem. I don't want to criticize it strongly because I've found it interesting and well written. You can change your poem anytime and every time you reverse your poems you come out with some new ideas... isn't it? So I feel it's good the way it is. Well written!
"It suffered hopelessly, through the long dark night." << no comma needed.
"The Sun came along one morning. It stood to fight." << I personally would change the period to a comma, but it's not really needed.
"He came down and won the battle against the darkness."
[He came down and won the battle]
[He came down, won the battle against darkness]
- I didn't like how you had that worded and the syllable count/length was too much for that line, compared to the rest.
I do like the ending. The rest I wasn't too fond of. Though, it's a decently written poem and has great meaning/emotion. I think the flow's off quite a bit. OVERALL, it's a good poem though. Which is the main thing. But, if someone can fix the tiny things, line by line, I believe they should so it's mroe than just an 'overall good poem', when it can be a good poem, period.