Breathless

by Poetic Grunt   Jan 9, 2009


Breathless
By Shadowe

Do you believe anything I say....
When I say that you take my breath away?
If you thought I could breathe.... you were wrong...
If only I could be that strong....
Ive been waiting...
For comfort...
For Solace....

Fly away.... but don't shut me out.... cause I cant breathe without you
Run away.... Come with me.... cause I cant be without you

When I wake up everyday...
I need to know you're not so far away.
Another moment is another Eternity....
The whisper of you're words mean everything to me.
Ive been waiting...
For comfort....
For Solace....

Fly away.... but don't shut me out.... cause I cant breathe without you
Run away.... Come with me.... cause I cant be without you

I will be strong.... I must be strong....
Because with you my love.... I know I belong....

Ive been waiting...
For comfort....
For Solace....

Fly away.... but don't shut me out.... cause I cant breathe without you
Run away.... Come with me.... cause I cant be without you

Without you...

I cant live with out you
Run away, Run away
I cant see without you
Fly Away....
But theres no me without you

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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Teria

    "I will be strong.... I must be strong....
    Because with you my love.... I know I belong...."
    - Adore these lines. Absolutely amazing.

    The poem reminds me of like a broadway play, haha. It could so easily be made into one of those dramatic love plays where everyone in the audience cries plus a few on stage. It just grips the heart and pulls, pulls, pulls. Probably because everyone can relate to the emotional boundries set in the poem. One thing I would suggest though is losing the ellpsis. In a few spots they work (the ... dots ) but not everywhere like that. I know you're looking for suspesion, but that's a given without them. So, they're not needed everywhere, just a few places.

    Here's one place they're not needed:
    "If you thought I could breathe.... you were wrong...
    If only I could be that strong...."
    [If you thought I could breathe, you're wrong
    If only I could be that strong]
    - See? Works better without. At least in my opinion.

    Places it works:
    "I will be strong.... I must be strong....
    Because with you my love.... I know I belong...."
    [I will be strong ... I must be strong
    Because with you my love I know I belong]
    - First line but not second.

    "Ive been waiting...
    For comfort....
    For Solace...."
    - It works well here. Very well. (: Ive = I've though, darling.

    5/5 Even with the overused ellipsis. I absolutely adore the poem

  • 8 years ago

    by RoseBlood

    I like it, it is like a song to me woth a chourse and everything.
    The words are just so sweet, I wish someone said them to me...they're like a dream...:)
    I think that I know how you felt when you wrote the poem, I feel that way everytime I see the one I love, so breathless.
    5/5 Very well done.
    I'll keep reading.

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