Comments : Cities of the dead

  • 8 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Interesting write in a good way that is. The flow was flawless and the imagery was superb, I could vividly imagine all of this happening, great Job!

    I would have liked to see puncuation however. Puncuation is very important in poetry, it lets the reader know when to pause or stop.

    Overall a great write, keep up the good work!

    Peace, Joe

  • 8 years ago

    by Moose

    There were a couple parts that were somewhat repetitive, mojo was mention a few times, and its not so much the way it was mentioned but the context of the sentence that made it somewhat redundant.

    The style is different to say the least. I haven't read much poetry lately but from what I've read up to this point in my life, (rather than it relating to an incident apparently) it has plenty of originality. The style that is.

    Another thing is the first stanza you begin 2/4 sentences with As, try to use a different if not better opening to possibly the third sentence.

    Beyond that I believe the unique style not only makes the poem interesting, but captivating to read, keeping me interested for the mere reason of finding out how it was going to continue. Great write, great read.

    Bryce

  • 8 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Wonderfully narrated ... a mysterious ambiance is created by your words... dark imagery ...
    loved the ending ...

    wonderful write...

  • 8 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Thanyou all I have followed many sugggestion to hone this poem I have edited

  • 8 years ago

    by Faithless

    Well I must say that this poem is nothing like i have read before. The storyline was pretty much oringinal. I like how you craft this poem. The words of choice used really enhance the poem bring it to life. Seriously I think this poem deserve credit for how uniquely it's being portrayed.

    Excellent Job
    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Bradley Peter

    I thought this piece was okay, but when compared to some of your usual pieces, it's sadly a bit of a let down. Sorry.However, I did rather like the opening and closing couplets. They flowed well, are are quite powerful.

    Brad

  • 8 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Quite the impressive piece here.. thank you for the description at the end it really makes more sense after reading that. Your rhyming was flawless, and everything just connected very well together, youve penned a great piece here. Well done!

    5/5.

  • 8 years ago

    by Austin

    This was very interesting. The topic was definitely a surprise, but I liked it. Not many other poets write like that on this site.

    The flow was nice, but the diction used was even better. If your diction was off, I don't think this poem would have been near as good, simply because of the topic.

    Also the information at the end was nice. Pretty cool to have some an idea that puts it all together.

  • 8 years ago

    by trippetta TC

    Wish I would have read this on friday the 13th, but as there are 3 this year I think I'll bookmark it to read next month!

  • 8 years ago

    by kelleyana

    Love the ending, great imagery and discreptive. Very well done5/5, kel.

  • 7 years ago

    by Nicko

    Michael you never cease to amaze me. a great read...and the postscript just adds to the picture