Comments : Waiting.

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    'She pictures her death,
    her bitter sweet death.'
    `Her and death are both repeated.. didnt work for me. I would maybe reword this as-
    'She pictures her death--

    'She still has things to do,'
    `Things...really? Like what exactly? Things is too vague here, and you can expand sooo much on what these 'things' are that need to be accomplished.

    'The more she pictures her death,
    the sweeter it seems.'
    `This is repetitive; as you've already mentioned this in your first two lines.

    This wasnt a full poem in my opinion, so much emotion and feeling could be added to this to make it bigger and better. It's a start, but its nothing close to a final draft.

  • 9 years ago

    by Bloomed Rose

    I agree with Temps, this is full of emotion. I can understand that you might want some of this poem open for interpretation, different writers see it in different ways. However, you leave the reader hanging when you say 'things.' that could mean anything. Over all, though, it was a good poem, it just needs some editing. 5/5

    <@> Rose

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Got to give it a five for style