Vulnerable, Indeed.

by AwingAshes   Sep 13, 2009


Boom goes the thunder,
crash goes the lightning,
as the drops pelt down,
soaking this material Earth
with purity.

Atop this rooftop
is where I see
the world at it's best.

Vulnerable, indeed

is the gray angry sky
as it showers us animals
with this liquid substance.

Oh my.
How it feels against my toxic skin;
Tingling my senses,
Awakening my soul,
Capturing my being.

Vulnerable, indeed

I am as I dance
among the innocent.
My strange laugh
challenging the innocent.
My odd movements
mocking the innocent.
My harmed mind
corrupting the innocent.

The innocent...
corrupting me.

Vulnerable, indeed.

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  • 8 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Boom goes the thunder,
    crash goes the lightning,
    as the drops pelt down,
    soaking this material Earth
    with purity."

    Such simple wording to start this piece out, but it brought the reader into the theme, it was not cliche at all.

    "Atop this rooftop
    is where I see
    the world at it's best."

    This sounds so pleasant, to sit atop a rooftop and watch nature take its course.

    "Vulnerable, indeed

    is the gray angry sky
    as it showers us animals
    with this liquid substance."

    I liked how you said "us animals" and gave indication that there is a greater force pushing upon mankind.

    "Oh my.
    How it feels against my toxic skin;
    Tingling my senses,
    Awakening my soul,
    Capturing my being."

    I liked reading this stanza for some reason, it just seemed so real and so brought alive.

    "Vulnerable, indeed

    I am as I dance
    among the innocent.
    My strange laugh
    challenging the innocent.
    My odd movements
    mocking the innocent.
    My harmed mind
    corrupting the innocent."

    I loved the repitition of "vulnerable, indeed" I thought that was well done. And also this stanza was so different from what I had been expecting. You put out there so much more, explaining in such detail and feeling.

    "The innocent...
    corrupting me.

    Vulnerable, indeed."

    A wondeful ending, it was very interesting to read, thanks for posting it!

    God bless you!

    ~MaryAnne

  • 8 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    I am as I dance
    among the innocent.
    My strange laugh
    challenging the innocent.
    My odd movements
    mocking the innocent.
    My harmed mind
    corrupting the innocent.

    *My favorite stanza. I love the way you emaphsize being with the innocent. I think that was very clever and really added a nice touch to this poem. Once again your imagery is amazing and brings your poem to life. I also love how you repeat "Vulnerable, indeed" I think that was a good title and I liked that you used it throughout the piece. You are such a talented writer and I'm really enjoying your work. Nik*

  • 8 years ago

    by WakingFreedom

    Oh, wow. Just gracious and beautiful. I loved the way you put it. Just captivating and amazing. Oh, wow. It is so wow. Vulnerable, Indeed is one awesomatic poem ever. I enjoyed it one hundred percent of the way. Thank you for the great read. 5/5
    -Waking Freedom

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Wow, I love this piece so flawless.
    "Oh my.
    How it feels against my toxic skin;
    Tingling my senses,
    Awakening my soul,
    Capturing my being." << love this.
    Good job, 5/5. Em x