Comments : Retribution

  • 7 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    This is beyond amazing,defently my type of poetry love love love it
    the ending was,perfect.

  • 7 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Jenn,

    I've been quite slack with my comments lately but I thought i'd start with you because this piece was absolutely awesome. You know what I love so much about your writing. It is that you have the ability to change your style and I believe that is because you love to learn. You love to try new things. That was evident here.

    The first stanza, It was beautiful in my mind. For some reason I pictured a volcanic erruption.. The Smoldering smoke falling from lips, seeping into the lungs. And the hot lava of your heart.. [yes I do have quite a strange imagination]

    "Smoldering words fall from vacant lips
    Each syllable curling around my heart
    Seeping into my lungs, smothering me
    Death by my own sword"

    Definitly my favorite stanza the above.

    however I also adored these two line:

    "Like a mind with no filter, I spewed my venom
    Sweet poisons of truth"

    I loved the contrast between your words. Dark and vicious but sweet and elegant..
    While this poem was sad it definitly held beauty in your words.

    Adored this poem. Excellent work!
    -Mel

  • I dont like it Sorry!