Rapunzel, you live me breathless... the eyes are the windows to the soul. I see you have gazed into your lovers eyes and found happiness and bliss. You use a pen as a painter uses a brush, great imagery and description. Thanks for sharing
We are nothing without Love and any true poet would love to be the "You" in this poem wich has the mystic depth of many master poets such as Gibran, Dylan and even Rumi.....brilliant and between the unread-able pages of my book
Ok hun, giving you my honest opinion& suggestions:
At the meeting of your eyes, there's a mystery
Meeting your eyes, I sense a mystery
Yet for the power of your sight, lays a history,
behind the power of your sight lays a history
about the love and life, that through your eyes bright
^^about the love and life that shine through your eyes
and the empires that are built for you through the night
There at the depth of your scene, too much to suffice
Bold skies under melting mountains made of ice
Where silver covers the soft soil, and hard dice
There between the unread-able pages of your book
leaping beats lacking the power to steal a swift look
or to run down the rivers rippling the mourns of lust
Where my dreams dive and then rusts through dust<<< good wording!
then exceedingly fly above your blue with the airy gust
And at the depth of your scene, and meadows of your voice
Millions of beats bow for the tenderness with extreme rejoice<<< I like this, ha ha ha!
yet the perils of your heart, looks too bright too fake
and with my heart being homeless, it's a bit too unworthy
to take-- beneath mine which is too weak not to break
This last stanza was my favorite, the homeless heart is a very romantic phrase:)
The word"scene"that you used twice, somehow seems out of place..maybe you could think of another word?
This poem is not bad, but it is somehow not from deep within you, like the poem you posted right before this one. I think you should wait until the poem starts to write itsself, like it did with the previous one. Wait for true inspiration, so to say.
WoW! this poem is amazing... Extremely well-written! I love your metaphors and comparison... they're so well put together!
Some of my favorite lines are:
"Reading between the unread-able pages of your book"
"and with my heart being homeless, it's a bit too unworthy
to take-- beneath mine which is too weak not to break"
Beautiful words! You definitely inspire me to write more! :)