Stanza # one: I just love it.
Was simple..was dear was mango-able and that is something I can never resist.
worded in a sweet way..and the last line
opened the opportunity, for sweeter words NEXT-NICE START!
Stanza # 2: These line are heart-ly poetic! Incredibly descriptive and I just loove them badly
"There, sitting on the daisy-speckled grass,
surrounded by trees crowned with misty green"
and my teeth sunk in mango, ( LOVELY image :P)
you discovered a white hair on my head.
On my head,
it had been
stripped, starved, it had
lonely and strange
ABBY!!!! this is truly the most perfect
picture..and wording ..to serve ur image and aim!
At length, the wind carried it away
to a day stretching longer and brighter
than the last,
>>>fabulous ...just fabulous..i love the deepness of this stanza..u knw this poem been flopping from humor to sweetness..to romance..to ..to..SUCH a mix!
I looked to the deepening folds
of your smile. (this is well said..I love ur style!)
I looked to your eyes
through the distant years, fading slowly
with my reflection.
^^^you are going deeper and deeper here..how amazing..Abby ur a very mysterious person..with so much emotions deep inside ur heart..i can't believe how ur going on and on through this poem..it's inspiring me.
I looked down to the lines
gathering on your hand
resting on my hand.
AAAWWWW this is very sweet..thought provoking
and amazingly penned..i can even imagine it!
Spring burst itself around me, then,
warm and tremulous
this reflected a very high level of ur imagination.
I just can't believe from where this sweetness started and where it had to end..
such a poem to enjoy...to make the reader smile..giggle ( as a female :P)..think..AWw..and Admire!
...leaving, as usual, the technical analysis to the experts,
OMG and, WoW.....
27, you say?
looking back, one thing's for sure...
I may have had this depth of vision regarding my expeience of heading toward 30 (!) but...
I surely could Not, yet, express it with such touching and articulate depth of emotion....
anyway...I certainly don't know if this is based on 'reality' or your profound capacity to 'imagine'........Either way, I repeat:
OMG and WoW......
also, thank you
for this beautiful little movie to install into my interior landscape theater....(*_*)
Let the stars stay in your eyes............
Simply put, I am a fan.....
even if I leave this site (potentiality),
I will revisit just to read you, and Sibyllene..
If you ever "publish", PLEASE let me know
(you have my address.....right?)
I really loved the awesome imagery throughout the entire poem, it felt as though I was living within the season with the writer, each description gave more life to the poem. 'daisy-speckled grass' was rather clever,
The white hair on your head, I guess I didn't quite pick up on that - if you meant for it to be literal or figurative but I didn't pick up on the metaphor? I suppose if I thought about it longer I could figure it out, but it definitely made me think, because it has such a mysterious significance that isn't said flat out. Perhaps its how the writer was feeling or feels in Spring? I like the unknown of this stanza and how it's open for any interpretation.
I liked the usage of 'At length,' you never really hear that in poetry, It may have been my first time hearing it in a poem but I liked it, it was something different, and a very nice transition into the rest of the poem. You did a great job in this stanza describing how the days get longer at the end of Spring, into the start of summer.
I nominated this poem for the contest, but I didn't yet know how to comment on it. I still don't, really. It's hard to smack words onto something you love, and I happen to love every little thing you write. The last three stanzas are pure wonder. You have that moment, the mango. You have the taste of the fruit, the juice from the corners of your mouth, you have the vision of the trees, the feel of the wind, and in that moment you're taken OUT of time. You see this season returning year after year, cycling through, as the wrinkles around your eyes grow deeper and there you are, still, looking at each other and smiling. That moment is Spring.