Comments : Finding Winter Now

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Stanza # one: I just love it.
    Was simple..was dear was mango-able and that is something I can never resist.
    worded in a sweet way..and the last line
    opened the opportunity, for sweeter words NEXT-NICE START!

    Stanza # 2: These line are heart-ly poetic! Incredibly descriptive and I just loove them badly
    "There, sitting on the daisy-speckled grass,
    surrounded by trees crowned with misty green"

    and my teeth sunk in mango, ( LOVELY image :P)
    you discovered a white hair on my head.
    ( LOL)

    On my head,
    it had been
    stripped, starved, it had
    curled into
    itself, hideous,
    ashamed,
    lonely and strange
    and new.
    ABBY!!!! this is truly the most perfect
    picture..and wording ..to serve ur image and aim!

    At length, the wind carried it away
    to a day stretching longer and brighter
    than the last,
    for now.
    >>>fabulous ...just fabulous..i love the deepness of this stanza..u knw this poem been flopping from humor to sweetness..to romance..to ..to..SUCH a mix!

    I looked to the deepening folds
    of your smile. (this is well said..I love ur style!)
    I looked to your eyes
    through the distant years, fading slowly
    with my reflection.
    ^^^you are going deeper and deeper here..how amazing..Abby ur a very mysterious person..with so much emotions deep inside ur heart..i can't believe how ur going on and on through this poem..it's inspiring me.

    I looked down to the lines
    gathering on your hand
    resting on my hand.
    ^^^^^^^^
    AAAWWWW this is very sweet..thought provoking
    and amazingly penned..i can even imagine it!

    Spring burst itself around me, then,
    warm and tremulous
    and ancient.

    this reflected a very high level of ur imagination.
    I just can't believe from where this sweetness started and where it had to end..
    such a poem to enjoy...to make the reader smile..giggle ( as a female :P)..think..AWw..and Admire!

    5/5
    SURE

    now finish ur mango

  • 6 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Ha, this made me smile:) Yes, the first white hair is always a difficult milestone in someone's life, but also something to be proud of.

    I loved reading this, you write so well, Abby:)

    I looked to the deepening folds
    of your smile. I looked to your eyes
    through the distant years, fading slowly
    with my reflection.

    I looked down to the lines
    gathering on your hand
    resting on my hand.

    ^^
    I think growing old together is the most beautiful thing in the world. It is special someone in her twenties wrote this and still made the reader feel like she is in that phase herself.

    Well done,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 6 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    ...leaving, as usual, the technical analysis to the experts,
    I say:
    OMG and, WoW.....
    27, you say?
    looking back, one thing's for sure...
    I may have had this depth of vision regarding my expeience of heading toward 30 (!) but...
    I surely could Not, yet, express it with such touching and articulate depth of emotion....
    anyway...I certainly don't know if this is based on 'reality' or your profound capacity to 'imagine'........Either way, I repeat:
    OMG and WoW......
    also, thank you
    for this beautiful little movie to install into my interior landscape theater....(*_*)
    Let the stars stay in your eyes............

    Simply put, I am a fan.....
    even if I leave this site (potentiality),
    I will revisit just to read you, and Sibyllene..
    If you ever "publish", PLEASE let me know
    (you have my address.....right?)

    gramma.........

    Warm Regards to Spring in Melbourne....

  • 6 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    Oh wow, I'm not even going into it like these ladies did. I'll just say awesome, well done.

  • 6 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I really loved the awesome imagery throughout the entire poem, it felt as though I was living within the season with the writer, each description gave more life to the poem. 'daisy-speckled grass' was rather clever,

    The white hair on your head, I guess I didn't quite pick up on that - if you meant for it to be literal or figurative but I didn't pick up on the metaphor? I suppose if I thought about it longer I could figure it out, but it definitely made me think, because it has such a mysterious significance that isn't said flat out. Perhaps its how the writer was feeling or feels in Spring? I like the unknown of this stanza and how it's open for any interpretation.

    I liked the usage of 'At length,' you never really hear that in poetry, It may have been my first time hearing it in a poem but I liked it, it was something different, and a very nice transition into the rest of the poem. You did a great job in this stanza describing how the days get longer at the end of Spring, into the start of summer.

    Loved the ending, truly brilliant :)

  • 6 years ago

    by sibyllene

    I nominated this poem for the contest, but I didn't yet know how to comment on it. I still don't, really. It's hard to smack words onto something you love, and I happen to love every little thing you write. The last three stanzas are pure wonder. You have that moment, the mango. You have the taste of the fruit, the juice from the corners of your mouth, you have the vision of the trees, the feel of the wind, and in that moment you're taken OUT of time. You see this season returning year after year, cycling through, as the wrinkles around your eyes grow deeper and there you are, still, looking at each other and smiling. That moment is Spring.

  • 6 years ago

    by Nicko

    Did you change the title? No never mind.

    Spring has always always been my favourite season. It signifies NEW, new life, when nature is at its most glorious, full of promise, it rejuvenates, reinvigorates

    You seem to have captured all of that and more, for with spring we have always looked to capture love and the promise of...

    Yet at the same time you have instilled an amount of reality with your "white hair" something that is inevitable yet not to be dwelled on just yet, that is for another day "for now"

    Your last stanza finishes perfectly; you seem to have gathered all around you, content with the implications...life is good

  • 6 years ago

    by silvershoes

    The youngness of Spring making you feel old? Making you wonder if the one you're with is the one you'll be with for the rest of your life? Feel like you're running out of time?

    Well, this poem gave me so many impressions, it was a bit hard to handle. Excellent writing, really. No clue why you're being down-voted when this is quite obviously a better poem on PnQ.

    C'est la vie. Keep it up, chica.

  • 6 years ago

    by Cam M

    Thoughtful words, my friend.

    It's good to see you penning again.

    You see, love and deep friendship can bring forth such wonders... :)